08/11/17(Second Post)

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine, a little. I just feel like I need to write again. I am out of the hotel and finally back home. They are done with fumigation at my place. After I do this, I will look for more places to go out with my date. My idea is not to stay out too long if we are feeling each other. We should either come to my place or her place and have sex. But if it is clear that she is a 100% gay girl and she just wants to be my friend and companion or something then we’ll just stay out all night and dance. I will be cool with that, I guess.

I don’t know….maybe I will not and may need to cease contact after.

I’m just being more straightforward and more clear about my intentions with women. In her case, I am a little confused. I met her at a bar that I was doing photos at. I bumped into her on accident and she started sort of arguing with me and saying I was rude. I talked to her; I calmed her down; she seemed to like it. She told me she liked photography too. She gave me her number and instagram.

The next day, she posed for me nude. Nothing happened, we hugged and I left. She really liked the photos and we have been in contact via instagram ever since. If she saw a party I was interested in, she’d want to come. She came to two of my parties. Those were the last time I saw her a year ago. The first party, she hugged me and made deep eye contact with me. Friends saw clothed photos I had taken of her and wondered if she was my girlfriend. I am not sure why. They second party, she only asked me why I haven’t been contacting her and she tried to introduce me to her girlfriend. She asked me if I thought her girlfriend had big tits. I looked at her tits and said “yes”, and I took a photo of them.

That was the last time we saw each other. Now, when I contact her, her responses are not one minute late. I can tell she is really eager to hang out, today. If we don’t have sex, we’ll just do another nude shoot or something then. I’m almost 100% sure she just wants to be friends, but we’ll see.

Now, the real reason I wanted to write is because it’s that coworker again. She never responded to my text. I knew it was an obvious reject, so I took the risk of being sure–I sent her another one. I did this mainly because I was still stuck highly with thinking about her. It’s nearing the time that I am going to meet with this other girl, and I want my head to be clear. I want to get pass the top-left orange branch of my mind map thingy there.

Soooo….I sent her one last text because I was pretty much going crazy.

I’m assuming you’re not going to be able to make it?

That was all I said. Again , 1 hour later there was no response. So that’s it. Perhaps she realizes that my wanting to be friends thing is a lie rather I know it a lot. You can’t be friends with someone after liking them so much. I would have been kidding myself.

In a way…or truthfully the experience was good for me to up my dating game. I’ll take notes of all the mistakes I made with this girl and remember it with future girls. It’s a good thing that I got down to the nitty gritty pretty quickly rather than wasting months and years chasing this girl or waiting for this girl. I can’t believe how I went from not liking her at all to being head over hills with her for no reason. I guess it is an experience that I needed in my life.

I can completely move on. Hopefully she doesn’t text me again. I deleted her contact information and messages. She’s still on my instagram, but I’ll never contact her through there.

So that’s it. I am 100% sure this is the end with no if, and’s or buts about it. I’m going to shower up, meditate, and visualize having a good time with this other girl tonight.

Take care !

mind map date jpg


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