08/11/17

Dear Journal, How are you feeling? As for me, I am OK. I am still not quite over that girl–my ex coworker. Yesterday when I had text her I said that I would call her to see if she was available to do something Saturday. She replied “OK.” Immediately, I felt like that was a bad idea and that I should make definite plans with her–a specific time and date. So I picked a place and time. I chose to do this small hike that I always take people on. It’s not a real hike, it just a small trail that anyone can do that has a nice view overlooking the whole city. I wanted to show her. I chose 6:30 at night too because it is an hour or two before it get’s dark and the sun will not be too high in the sky so we are not too hot while walking. The only downside is that she might have got comfortable and want to stay at the top of the hill a while and we’d have to walk back in the dark. That’s OK, I guess. It’s not a big deal.

I sent her that text at 6:00pm yesterday and she hasn’t replied yet, so now I am worried. What is she just doesn’t want to spend time with me at all? This thought made me angry when it first came to me. It’s not really because she may not want to spend time with me, but because yesterday, before she initiated texting, I was hurt, but I was totally fine with just moving on completely. I was OK with it and ready for my personal battle, you know.

But when she initiated texting, I was hopeful to see her again. This told me that she was OK with still wanting to maintain friendship. The part that made me mad was that, you know, friendship is friendship, but real friendship means wanting to spend time with the person–not being text buddies. I don’t want a text buddy. I want a real friend. I was angry and I thought that if she doesn’t want to spend time with me, why even bother texting!?

I do realize that I may be too anxious for her text. Maybe she’s figuring out plans with her schedule. I don’t know. I just want to see her one last time before I leave for China. If I am at least not allowed to do that then what would be the point of messaging her again at all when I am living in China. If I at least spend time with her a bit, I’ll have solid feelings about us being friends and I would want her to visit me in China.

I could be over reacting. If I am willing to wait and chase this girl, I would respond to whatever message she sends to me without ever seeing her again. Maybe she wants to keep up but is just not comfortable spending time with me because she feels like I still like her? But here I go, making excuses for her. I tell you what, I will call her at 6 today and see if she can make definite plans to come. If she can’t and doesn’t give me another day to see me before I leave, I will just forget about her forever and just ignore whatever message she sends me after. I don’t think I should be stringed along via a pointless messages. I’m sure I may forget about her immediately when I step foot in China. Maybe I’ll just have better luck with girls in China, overall.

Meanwhile, I have been using this new tool call mind mapping. I think it works well and is helping me. Do you use mind maps, and does it help you plan things? Does it help you to remember things? I mind mapped plans for my date I have with the other girl tonight, and that made me feel better.

Take Care !

mind map date jpg

 

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