08/09/17

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by well, somewhat. It was last day of working at that horrible place. I am very happy that I don’t have to go into such a place again. Writing about that in this moment makes me happy, despite the fact that I wanted to cry earlier and I hoped that slow music and a bottle of beer would do the trick.

I wanted to cry because of the coworker. I really liked her a lot. I began to like her a lot. The past few days has been sort of adventurous because of me. I’m not sure how much I have told you in previous post, but I am sure that I have told you that I asked her out again. It was the day she was heading out for vacation.

A few days into her vacation, I had a change of plans on the date, so I decided to text her about the change of plans. I panicked when she didn’t text back. I’m not sure why I did as I am thinking about it now, but I was just thinking about her so much. She didn’t text back that day, so I am sure I immediately saw that she didn’t like me very much. I listened to all kinds of dating videos all day. One guy had the philosophy in which you should be very straightforward with women even if you just want sex.

Based of videos like that, I thought it was OK to send her a second text message the next day saying we should just skip going anywhere and go to the hotel, drink, talk, and have sex instead. Maybe that was a mistake, maybe it wasn’t. I did think of making love to her many times. She ignored that text as well.

When she returned to work, she spoke and acted normal. She slightly kept her distance so I think.

The boss wanted to have a lunch together with all of the staff as sort of a goodbye lunch for me. She waited until it was just about time for us to head out to lunch for her to send me a text saying, ” Sorry it took me so long to respond, but I don’t sleep around and your message made me feel very awkward. We can hang out as friends, but nothing more than that. ” I sent a text back saying “no love lost. I will always be your friend. ”

During the lunch, she avoided sitting next to me like she normally would. I wasn’t mad or anything, I just observed her and gave her space. After lunch, when I saw that she wasn’t being too distant anymore, I talked to her about the whole thing. I told her that I knew that text was awkward. I said something along the lines of those are all of my feelings and I wanted to put everything thing on the table.

That’s the best way to weed out rather a person actually likes you or not. I kept going on and on talking. I told her that I can accept being her friend because there are plenty of women out there. I then told her that I appreciated meeting her because I think she is a cool person and that I haven’t really had true feelings for anyone in a long while.

I told her that she had a good personality. I told her that I will always be her friend and that if she ever needed to talk to me about anything I will always be there for her. I told her to give me a call if she wanted to hang out before I left for China. I gave a a jet stone that I had prayed on earlier. I told her to always keep it on her for protection against anything. I almost want to cry as I type this. I really wish I can cry. I liked her and I will miss her.

Where was I…? Anyways, I kind of doubt I will get to hang out or that I will ever get to see her again outside of Instagram. I almost want to cry again….

At the end of the day, I found her and gave her a final goodbye like I told her I would…

I haven’t liked anyone this much in a long while.

Anyways, that’s all for now.

Take Care !

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