07/14/17

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. My days have been going well. They’ve been going well enough, at least. I have been feeling like I needed to write for days. Today is the day I decided to just go ahead and put my thoughts out there.

You already know the bulk of my discomfort–girls. I cut all contact with Memo, sort of abrubt. I finally decided that she was never a good friend after all these years. I just concluded that she had no respect for me. I also felt like she changed too much or I’ve changed too much. The last time I’ve seen her, I just thought all her friends were weird. I thought she looked ugly and weird. I felt like she could feel me judging them even though I tried not to. Either way, I just felt like we just didn’t get along at all anymore and that she just didn’t respect me. What I really found to be disrespectful is when I sent her the snapshots she had asked for and she didn’t even say “thank you.” I deleted her off of all my social media and I will not care if I see her in the streets. It will be as though we have never met.

Then there is her friend. I think I already wrote about her previously, so I will not write about it again. If she calls me this weekend, I will not pick up.

Now there is my coworker. I am way less horny for her because I feel like I have been disrespected by her as well. The latest thing is with this peppermint oil. I came in with a cold. She said, oh you seem sick. I’ve got some peppermint oil on me if you want some. I said sure, because I left mine at home. Hours passed, and as I was walking by her office I stopped by to ask her is she had any peppermint oil. She said wait she’d give it to me, and she looked busy. Busy or not, it doesn’t take that long to hand it to me and she didn’t give it to me all day. It’s not fair because when she used to ask me for some of mine, I’d simply give it to her. That’s just disrespect.

She’s just overall weird and unhappy. She has some mental issues. She played an audio for me if her mom yelling at her. She keeps telling me her personal shit. She keeps standing around me at work. I don’t know, I’d just be working and she’d just stand where I am at a hover. If I say something about me to strike up a conversation and just to observe why the fuck she’s just standing over my shoulder, she seems disinterested. If I ask her something about her, she seems a bit animated. Overall, she’s fucking retarded and I’ve always thought so. I just may talk to her one last time today so that I can show off some old prints that I had peeled off my wall. I don’t know. I just love showing off my prints and I feel the need to show her. I guess it’s because I’m proud of my work. But anyways, as it stands, I’m so not attracted to her at this point that even if she opens her legs and says come in, i’ll have the power to turn it down.

I’m not trusting a lot of people these days, even my old friend who I stopped talking to as well. We had been friends for years. I always knew she wore a mask, I just overlooked it for companionship. Maybe I feel like I’ve learned a lot from her, but I don’t know. I just feel like we’re better off not talking anymore.

I don’t trust my best guy friend either. I suppose I can keep him as a contact, but he has his own problems. I ‘ll stop there. 

China is only a month away. I’m just going to keep my cool here and try not to hold any grudges, and I’ll come to China with a whole new focused plan and be more careful about the friends I make.

Take Care ! 

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