Dear Journal, 

How are you feeling? As for me, I think I am OK. I will not be too hard on myself, but in all honesty, I feel like ass. I could hardly sleep last night is part of the reason. It was hot. Admittedly, I didn’t shower after my workout and before bed so that made things uncomfortable too. My logic was, well what’s the point, I’m just going to sleep a few hours and wake up to work out anyways–very lazy and bad logic. Never again !

Another reason I might feel like ass is because I masturbated. I do recognize that when I don’t, I feel a little bit better over all, but there is not a significent change in my production levels and the cost is that I’m just super horny when I don’t. I don’t think that is a good trade off. However, I am trying to develop some sexual discipline. The good thing is that I haven’t seen a prostitute in a very long while. I hope to never see  one again. I think that it has been planted in my mind that that is a very low activity for a man to engage himself in.

At the same time, with no prostitutes and no nude photoshoots going on, it has been a long time since I have seen a pussy. I’ve been writing about these same issues on here for years. When is the story going to change.

The reason I broke down to masturbating yesterday is because of my coworker. She’s starting to pay a lot of attention to me again and is back to looking me in the eye like she normally used to. That makes me want to make love to her, so I let myself fantasize about it. We talked a lot, yesterday.

I have the photoshoot, today. I’m half enthused and half other things. I just feel like I’m on the begging end for this shoot to happen. But why not, right? Anything is worth a shoot. I’m also worried about how the communication and photos will turn out. I’m sure we will be OK. 


Take care ! 


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