07/07/17

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine, despite the fact that I did all this thinking and planning and what not about the photoshoot; I even gave in to drinking a beer so that I can be a bit loose and relaxed, only to come all the way here, text the girl and tell her that I would be 10 minutes late, only for her to tell me that she forgot to tell me that she was scheduled in to work today. 

I don’t blame her at all. She didn’t mean it. That really did happen. For the most part, I blame myself. I should have planned better. Today was all messed up. I even flaked out in my doctor’s appointment because I knew I would be late. That wasn’t nice of me not wise of me to plan both on the same day. 

Overall, I just should have had a better plan. Known of this is her fault. 

It was my fault that I put all the thinking into a photoshoot on a person that I don’t really know. At the same time there is nothing wrong with that. It’s not her fault that she forgot to tell me. She was just less invested with the date. That is OK

I can tell that she felt really bad and wanted to reschedule. She says she’s so sorry and that she would buy me lunch and what not, but I just don’t feel good about thinking about her for so long and trying to set this up again. I will just move on. I told her that I would reschedule. Perhaps I should keep my word since I said I would, but I’m just not too sure. It would be no big deal anyways, so more than likely, I’m not going to. 

I really wanted to shoot with her, but a part of it was playing on vanity anyways. I wanted to show my ex muse that I met another girl at a party she invited me to and now that girl is her replacement, you know, that sort of thing. 20% of me felt like that. For the most part, I just wanted to shoot. 

About my coworker, I have been thinking. That spell she had cast on me is dying out, so now I am back to not liking nor trusting her anymore. Im OK with that. No friends, no nothing. I’ll just go back to keeping my distance. Falling in love with her sucked.

Anyways, I wrote enough for now. 

Take care ! 

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