How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. This weekend is going by well, I guess. I am going through a roller coaster of emotions about this girl and I wish I had more self control. I told my mom that I finally see a girl that I really like. I think I shouldn’t have told her. She’s sad because she knows I have never really been with any girl, I think. No matter how much I try to look good in this matter to other people, perhaps I’m fooling them, but I can’t fool my mom.
Based off a bit of her influence, I called the girl and asked her out. I’m not sure how she felt about the call. Originally, I never asked her out. I only said that we should hang out before I leave. She just smiled and said “Sure, what would you like to do?” I think she liked the idea. I called her the next day asking if she wanted to go somewhere later. This was yesterday. She said that she was stuck babysitting but will try and find someone to babysit so that she can go. She said if she can. she’d call me back in 30 minutes. The call never came. I’m sure she got stuck baby sitting.
But I was still sad and inside my emotions. I was thinking all kinds of unnecessary things. “What if I see her at the same event I invited her too with another guy?” I just had all kinds of weird scenarios going. I even felt like I was creepy for calling. All are just bad illusions that I got over.
I really like and care about this girl. She clogs my mind and makes it hard for me to do things like read. There is just hope and heart break in my own little world about her. I can’t wait to see her at work so that I can tell her some of my opinions about some things she had told me about herself. I feel like she may care for me a lot too, otherwise she wouldn’t be sharing so many personal things about herself with me. At the same time, I know enough about her to see that she is just as lonely as I am.
I hate this war of emotions. I hate this war of trying to figure out who I like, what I like, and who is really right for me. I guess it’s normal to fall in love with someone, to like someone. I don’t know why I feel so defeated about it. At the same time, I like it too.
I just want to hug her so close and stare into her eyes and talk about more intimate things. I really can’t wait to see her again.
Take Care Journal