05/13/17

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As r me, I’m fine. Today is going well. It is interesting. I’ll get right to the point. I am very attracted to my coworker, now. The sexual fantasies are getting more intense. I get erected when I think of her. I think of holding her tightly and kissing her. These fantasies have become gradual. I didn’t lime her before. Now I do. The fantasies are big and heavy now.

We talked, today, more than I normally would talk to her. My guard has been up because, like I said, I didn’t trust her. Now I am starting to put my guard down a bit and be a little more open to talking to her.

Nooowww…the minute I am open to really being invited to her house or something, I get this:

I am so excited. I am going on a date, today with another employee, but I don’t want to tell you who it is.

I felt jealousy, immediately, followed by a quick but smooth waterfall of heart break. I did my best not to show it. After trying to focus more on my work and making comments about other things I laugh and say:

Me: why would you almost tell me about a person you’re about to go on a date with, but you don’t want to tell me who it is.

Her: (she laughs and blushes and then says) well, it is not official, yet.

My jealousy and heart break washed away and I felt normal, again. She just sat in my office, looking beautiful, and we talked a lot. She just kept telling me things about herself and problems she’s having. She asked questions about me–“what TV shows do I watch? What am I doing this weekend?” Things like that. I’m almost sure she is interested in me too.

As far as NOFAP is concerned, I broke yesterday because the sexual fantasy about her was really heavy. Today, I am on a new start. I will not masturbate for three weeks. Let’s do this !

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