Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. I couldn’t wake up for class this weekend. I will not look down on myself. I just know that I have to find a way to do better. The thing is, I went to a youth meeting at the meditation center last night and I didn’t get home until about 12:30. I was tired. I didn’t have to wake up until about 5:30am or 6:00am. That was totally doable, but I was tired. I’ll find a way to be less tired. It’s challenging. Especially when I have to walk a lot and take the bus. I’ll do better. I could have made it, today.

I am staying in again, this weekend. Mainly because I don’t have money to spend and also because I am trying not to spend a lot because I leave for Vietnam in 10 days ! I’m so excited about that. I will take the time to really enjoy the trip. I’m going to eat a lot of good food and let myself go and just be with my friends and their family.

I’m never board when I stay in. I have alcohol and plenty of hobbies to read up on and things like that. There are so many things that I want to look up or that I need to look up. Even on days like this, when I just stay in, I never get to look up everything.

I’m about to start drinking…

I need to as I feel things and contemplate.

Tequila is today’s drug of choice.

Anyways, another reason that I decided to stay is and will do for a while actually is because I want to save $1,000 fast. I mean, I’ve been doing OK as far as retirement savings are concerned, but I don’t have any emergency savings. That’s pretty bad. I can’t believe I don’t have it at this point. I had been trying to have another savings outside of retirement, but I always end up dipping into it. I forget about some bills that come up and unexpected bills cause be to dig into that account in particular. So first thing is first, do absolutely nothing until I have $1,000 bucks in emergency savings that I never touch under any circumstance. That’s not so hard to do. It will just take some discipline. It may set me back a month as far as paying models for photoshoots are concerned.

So going to that youth meeting last night was very cool. I was glad to just find a lot of young people who are about my age and are interested in meditating. I haven’t met anyone who is “hardcore?” and does it for 20 minutes a day like myself, but that’s OK. It took me a minute to get up to this point. I try not to judge that and I try not to think I am better because of it. Most of them told me that they meditate off and on and that they come to the center off and on. A few may have been hardcore. I was really at ease. I noticed a considerable increase in my ability to communicate with people, comfortably, without using alcohol. I was smiling and talking. I was maintaining good eye contact with the ladies. I don’t think it was perfect, like I wanted it to be, but it was good enough. I may have looked away to take sips of my tea. And I was trying not to look as hungry as I am. I’m definitely hungry for sex and dating, but I have to maintain.

Having said that, I feel like I am doing a lot better. My photos will be a lot better when I get back out there into nightlife and girls. I’m sure it will. These little baby steps in self improvement things that I am doing is working.


I have decided to keep up with the same call girl that I hooked up with about a month ago. I know that’s bad, but since I’m mainly need sex only(I think), it’s fair to both of us and to any girl that I meet or flirt with, if you know what I mean. I’ll be less horny and hungry because I am already releasing. I’m honestly thankful that things like this exist and there is no need to be ashamed of it.

take care…




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