Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today is going OK. I am being lazy and planning on not leaving the house at all. I was supposed to go and get my passport, today, but I put it off until tomorrow. I figured that I only want to leave the house once. Tomorrow, I will be going to the meditation center to meditate, which reminds me, by God I only go there to meditate. I don’t think I am ready to handle people and their different personalities, thoughts, and opinions at the moment. I’m sick of hearing the Trump hate. That’s an ultimate turn off for me. I think it is inappropriate to bring it to a spiritual setting like some of the people there try to do. Last time I tried to had a guy a prayer booklet because I thought he needed it at the end of our meditation section. We usually say a chant. If we don’t know the chant, then we read it from the book. I was going to get my book. I looked around and saw a few people didn’t grab one. No knowing rather they would need one or not, I grabbed a few. One guy got offended when I tried to hand him one. I can hear it in the tone of his voice when he said,”No thank you !” Come to find out he was one of the leaders there or something. He knew the chant by heart. No need to get offended though, but I understand.

I have been stressed and sad about my job. I really really really don’t like it, and I REALLY don’t like the people I work with. I applied to other jobs, and one job wanted to interview me, but I decided to hold off on it until I get done with my trip to Vietnam. I don’t like my boss either. She dumber than the people she has working for her. She the most ridiculous I’ve ever seen in my life. We definitely have different opinions about things. When I was working 3rd shift, things were very very smooth for me. Now I work on first shift with all of these dumb fucks and life is pretty hectic. I hate it ! I told my boss that I don’t want this management position anymore and that I would like to go back to 3rd shift. The guy who took my place is quitting, so I really can’t wait to get back there. What was I thinking in ever asking to switch. I should have know better !

I am reading a new book that might help me and my situations. I constantly ask myself why am I in these predicaments. I know the answers, but the question is still “why?” I have been asking myself these questions for years. The biggest is the girlfriend issue. Perhaps a part of me is picky about girls or maybe I’m just afraid. Yeah, I’m definitely afraid of being  upfront about some things that I have going on in my life. I could use a make over, too. I am not the latest and greatest in fashion, so I am sure that that is a big part. A part of it may be my attitude, too. I am not so open. I get very angry. I think that people are thinking the worst of me when they see me. Another part of it may be that I am certainly picky(pointing that out again) as these days, I am mostly attracted to white women. Hispanics catch my eye a lot, too. I am really really not attracted to my own race–black women. Other than that, I think I am a very handsome looking guy and I know I have great skin and a great body. I am athletic. I exercise a lot and I eat super healthy most of the time. I will post a photo of the breakfast I had this morning 30 minutes after drinking lemon juice water. Lemons make you urinate a lot, by the way. It makes my urine really clear even if I have not been drinking a lot of water. I will keep using this in my diet.  People think I have a lot of girlfriends because I do nude photos a lot with beautiful girls. Sometimes they end up being small stints of romantic adventures that just don’t last, but things are nowhere near what they sound and look like.

Let’s talk about my second problem–the car. I don’t have one. I still don’t think that it is hard to get around without one in this city. I get around just fine. But it is definitely a big convenience. I will not claim that this is a big reason why I don’t have one, but it contributes to a small degree. I have not responded to girls that I know are interested because I feel like a douche being that I can roll up to their homes and pick them up like a gentleman. I shot with a beautiful girl before that I met in a bar. She liked/likes me a lot and I could tell. I mentioned a comedy show that I was interested in and she really really wanted to go with me, but I pretended like I didn’t hear the question. She doesn’t know I don’t have a car and that I am fixing issues like this in my life. I just let myself remain a mystery to her. She thinks I am not interested I think.

There are a number of reasons that I don’t have a car. I had a nice jeep that I paid a lot of money for. Back then, I was crazy and I thought my life really sucked so, long story short, I left the car on the side of the road and moved to a new city in an effort to ‘start my life over.’ Whoa, boy! I started my life over and started working again, bought a used car, got caught on the freeway going at 120mph, got a ticket, did the community service for it, but never took it to court, so that is part of a payment plan I am doing now. That car broke down, and I bought a new one. I sold that one when I found out my license will be suspended. I decided that it was cheaper to just be car less until I take care of that. I am taking care of it, now.

Other problems exist, too, but I will stop there. I have good news in my next writing !

Take care !



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