12/02/16

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today is going by well. I am just now leaving the beach/tourist area. I did not ask anyone to photoshoot. I wasn’t afraid, and I was going to two occasions. In both cases, I guess I was mildly afraid and the circumstances made things a little difficult. On the first occasion, there was a woman photo shooting herself with her cell phone as I sat on the beach. I was really close to meeting her and asking to shoot with her, but some friends of hers came along and swept her away. On the second occasion, I was watching a performance and I noticed that one of the volunteers that the performances were using had a really big booty. She was a beautiful white girl. She would have been useful for my next shoot. I thought of getting her number and setting something up. Long story, short, after the performance, I looked for her so that I can go up and talk but got a little held back when I saw that she was surrounded by a bunch of dudes. I guess I still should have asked…

Other than that stuff, I had a good day at the beach. Oh, I forgot to mention that I may have learned something too. The performancers gave some kid volunteers some money for helping them out by just standing there. That was cool and nice of them to do. So I shouldn’t feel like a trick for paying my models. I’m doing it because I appreciate them and as a karma thing. So there, that kind of guilt is gone. I’m sure my next model will take things a lot further. These shoots are getting g to be really explicit. Speaking of all of that, now here for the dirty thoughts, what if this girl wanted to have sex–the last model. She did want to get to know me and asked a lot of questions about me. She did seem to be quite comfortable when I laid in bed with her for a brief second, demonstrating a pose that I wanted her to do. I’ll learn how to read these things in time.

Anyways, I went to that beach to take a few photos and also to do something different and also to have an idea on where to take a real date. That beach is always entertaining. To me, it’s the perfect first date. My little trip, today served all three purposes.

Before all of that above, I woke up and I exercised for only about 30 minutes. I only did an ab workout. I had coffee and breakfast as well. I took a shower and got dressed and then I went to the meditation center. I think we meditated for an hour and a half. I am sure that this stuff will make me a better and more confident person and cure me.

All week, and all day, for some reason, I have been thinking of this girl that is part of a gay party that I used to photograph. The main girl doesn’t invite me anymore. I think she was jealouse and worried about her girlfriend(a different girl) who used to ask me to photograph her all the time. Anyways, I used to think this girl was 100% gay. But she is straight or goes both ways. She has a boyfriend, now. She actually got jealous? Because I was talking to her boyfriend, it seems. I’m not sure why. Maybe she thinks I go both ways, too, because she seemed bothered when I was talking to her female friend or girlfriend. Thinking about it. She seems suspicious of everything I do, but it could be all in my head.

I am really attracted to her though. Maybe I just want to do a nude shoot with her. She has really big boobs. I don’t think she’s prettier than my last model, though. My last model set the bar high. Everyone is ugly, now, compared to her. I don’t want a lesser looking model nor girlfriend.

Soooo.. I’m still on the way home. I hope I have time to cook and exercise before I go out tonight. Take care !

p1020588

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