11/07/16

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by well and so has all the other days. I had gotten a little sick for two or three days, so I didn’t work out or anything. I’m OK now. Today, I went grocery shopping. I came home and I made a really awesome tofu curry soup that I read in a diet book I have been following for about a year, now. While grocery shopping, I saw a girl look at me close and she let out a big smile to me as she walked pass me. I was attracted to her, too, but I said nothing because getting the stuff out of the grocery store took precedence in my head. I told myself that if I saw her again as I shopped that I would. I didn’t see her again 😦

I was looking online at Amazon again. I ended up buying a book called “The Connection Algorithm” because it is so cheap. It is an OK/good book so far. It has got me asking myself this question again

What is my passion?

I ask myself this a lot despite the hobby I have. I try and push myself to do a lot of things. I study coding, but I am very slow with it. It took me a long time to learn html and css. I took a class on it three times. It’s not hard. I’m just not all that interested in it, but I wanted to build my website. I am happy that I am ready. It’s not hard for me to sit hear and write. I like this to a degree as well. Maybe this is a passion of mine that I am not really aware of or recognize as a passion. I’m mainly just jotting a story and my thoughts to myself and making it open to the public for reading.

The thing that just brings the the biggest smile to my face; the thing that just energizes me and makes me feel on top of the world; the thing that really really really touches my heart is a photoshoot with a girl, and I am not sure why. That is my passion. Those photoshoots ! A girl and I naked, one on one. I mean, sure I’ve been on dates and I have had sex with dates, but none of that has the effect of having me pop a big beautiful smile on my face when I think about them. But when I think about a photoshoot or look back on past photos the biggest smile comes across my face and I get a really good feeling in my body. I stand tall and my chest sticks out. It feels better than what I get from alcohol. It feels better than what I get from meditating.

She was so beautiful

is a thought I find myself saying when I am looking back at a photo. I am in love. but not with the girl. It’s a love I have for what I made of the girl through the photos. It’s an artistic love, if that makes sense.

I am smiling now. I will stop writing.

Take Care !

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