10/30/16

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. The past few days have gone by well. I am pretty much back to my normal weight, and I think I look great. I have been exercising as consistently as I can. I have been taking photos. I have basically been keeping up with everything. I haven’t had any alcohol and I haven’t went out the past two weekends. The two tall beers are still in my fridge, and the half bottle of vodka is still under my computer desk. I guess I am fully committed to not drinking when I look at the alcohol, and feel, “Yuck!” and I pour all the liquor down the drain. There have been plenty of times this week where I felt like I really wanted to drink after work or after having a long day in general. But, I disciplined myself and had thyme tea, instead.

I went to the meditation center this morning and I meditated from 9 to :11:30. Besides the person leading the meditation, myself and a woman are the only three who did the entire session. Not many people can sit for that long or not many people are willing to sit for that long. I always notice that during the other sessions as well. I’m glad and blessed that I am able to do that. The practice is worth it and meditation is helping my life slowly and surely. I keep forgetting to do my night time sessions at home, but I always, without fail, make sure to do my 20 minute morning ones these days. I am sure that this will help me succeed in all endeavors.

Women:

I haven’t been looking for anyone to shoot with in the hotel, but I have been looking to shoot with someone outside. I have been playing email tag with one girl. I looked at her instagram and I decided that she is not pretty so I may stop pursuing her. Photos can lie, though. But I’m just going to guess that I will not like how she looks when she shows up, so I will not message her again.

I can feel myself having more confidence to approach girls in public without care, but I always try to really feel myself to make sure that I really like someone before I approach them if you know what I mean. I saw a really beautiful ultra long haired Asian girl as I was getting off the train the other day. I was so close to approaching her and asking her to shoot. But then, something told me that she may be still in high school. It was the time of day and the fact that there were many high school kids walking the streets with their back packs. I assumed that she may be one and I dropped my thoughts.

When I used to approach girls in the streets while I was drunk I could see that a lot were really attracted to me. I want to do that sober ! That’s why I am trying not to drink anymore. When I am drunk, I think of better things to say. Screw this, I should drink again.

I called the girl who gave me her number some weeks ago. Let’s see what I did here.

  1. I told her that I thought she was attractive
  2. we talked and she gave me her phone number.
  3. I left her a message like she asked me to so that she could have my number because her phone wasn’t charged at the time. She seemed to be highly attracted.
  4. I waited a whole week to call her, and when I did call her, it was on an early friday evening
  5. she didn’t respond. She didn’t respond to the text that said: I was just calling to see if you want to get together this Sunday.
  6. I didn’t call for another week.
  7. I called her on Friday again, and she picked up. She sounded agitated and upset and she said she had a lot to do and was busy cleaning her house.
  8. I decided to give up.

I’m still not sure if I want to date anyone.

Anyways, that’s all I will write about for now.

Take Care !

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