10/18/16

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by not so well. I slept in and didn’t exercise again. Mainly because I still feel like shit. It’s a form of depression I get maybe? Or maybe I just needed rest. I definitely will exercise tomorrow, though.

My ex date and I were messaging each other on facebook. She ignored the last message so I guess she’s a no go. How desperate was that? I look like a fool. But hey, it was just a test.

I made a new instagram account. I added a few of my models that I had shot with. The Russian girl I shot with last year is the one that really catches my eye. She’s pretty much the most beautiful girl that I’ve ever seen. I like her. She liked me too or at least it appeared that way. We shot outside at a mall. There was strong eye contact, there was lots of touching, there was lots of asking of personal questions:

Are you dating anyone? Do you have a girlfriend?

There were lots of other things. There was her verbal statement:

I like you.

There was the two big hugs at the end of our shoot. Yeah, so stuff like that makes me think that she liked me.

We can’t date, though, because she’s married.

She did ask to shoot with me again. But when I said, “yeah.” She didn’t reply. I’m sure she  knows that I like her. I liked her from the very start–not from when we first started messaging each other online, but maybe after walking and talking with her a bit. This is my strongest crush at the moment, but hey she’s married. I didn’t talk to her on instagram. She just followed me back and ‘liked’ a few of my newest photos. I did look at her online modeling portfolio recently. She still has my photos up, but she took the time to untag me as a reference. I’m assuming it’s because she looked at mine and noticed that all of her photos were taken down. I didn’t do it out of anger or anything. I did it because I wanted to start my portfolio anew and I only wanted to display my latest photos. I didn’t think anyone would take it personally(if she did).

Another lame thing I did was comment on another girl’s facebook post that I like some time ago, but I backed away. I made it obvious to her that I liked her when I ran into her in the streets one day. It seemed like she didn’t want to tell me in person; or maybe I’m reading it wrong, but she put her head down and said “add me on facebook.”

I went home and added her only to see her very obvious son and boyfriend.

She’s still cute to me, so I commented on her facebook post and she commented back. Maybe I wasn’t commenting because I was flirting, though. Maybe I just commented because I was interested in what she said.

Anyways,

Take Care !

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