Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by OK. I didn’t set my alarm this morning, so I woke up pretty late. I didn’t get my exercise on before work. So I’m deciding to skip Krav Maga class tonight so that I can do my scheduled hardfoxx exercises at home.

I’ve been feeling shitty ever since I went out Saturday. Something about that night makes me feel really disappointed in myself. Maybe I’m just tired of being a drunk idiot, sooo…I’m finally making the decision that I thought I would never make. I will not drink and do drugs again. I mean it this time. It will save me a lot of money. I will be tempted to if a girl wants to do that stuff with me, though. We’ll see how that works out. I’m so serious about this that I am going to go home and dump all my liquor down the drain.

There is another thing that makes me feel like a loser. I met a girl on the train about two years ago. We dated for a bit, but then she just, out of nowhere quit responding to me. I haven’t really talked to her since. I’ve been thinking about her, though. Maybe it’s because we’re still friends on facebook, so every time she changes her profile photo, it catches my attention. I think I was drunk when I commented on one of her photos. I only said “hi”. She responded by saying “greetings.” Two days later, in my sober state, I sent her a message just saying “How are you?” She replied back and then asking “How am I?” Eventually I want to talk this thing up into an actual meeting. I was supposed to move on, but hey…I think I’m just testing things here. There’s nothing wrong with that.

I’m still thinking about not going to the queer parties for a while anymore. I just don’t want to go out for a while in general. They have some parties this month, but I am thinking of just not showing up. I just want to relax and focus on the girls and other areas of my artwork. Which is why I have been looking for girls, latley–just general to shoot with outside in the streets instead of the hotel room. I’m shooting with a beautiful girl this Thursday. I think she’s Russian or some kind of Eastern European. We’ll see how that goes.

Take Care !



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