Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by well. It’s not over, yet. I still have to go to Krav Maga class, tonight. I was pretty tired, today, I think. I think I had a hangover. I decided to go out to my old bar last night. One of the girls was Djing there so I went to support. I didn’t plan on going out at first. I was relaxing at home and drinking as I listened to music and edited my last model’s photos. I think the photos look incredible and is the type of look that I have been working all these years to get. Not to sound big headed or arrogant or anything but I think my photos are starting to look better than my inspiration’s.

Anyways, after seeing facebook post about a party, I decided to go. I was thinking that it is important to keep myself young. I knew if would be rough making it to that party and then getting up to exercise before work. I told myself to just do it as a challenge as well. I drank a lot of vodka at home, so when I left, I was already drunk. I made it to the bar. I didn’t plan on doing photos, but for some reason I started taking a bunch of photos of people.

Oh, Saturday night I went out as well. We partied in the strip club. Things were different. Me and the main girl was closer. She said that she’s going to spank me if I loose photos, again, and then she started touching my butt. We were constantly hugging each other that night. For some reason, she was being more demanding and directing me as far as when to take photos. I have been trying to figure out why. I took a lot of good photos that night. Her girlfriend was giving me a bunch of hugs too. She loves getting her photo taken by me. I have this question in my head that she has stopped and asked me a million times:

Can you take a picture of me

and then she would get against the wall and start posing a lot as I snap. There’s unity between us in that way.

At yesterday’s party, at one point, the main girl stopped me as I was going to take a photo of her girlfriend. She told me not to take an ass photo because I already have so many photos of her girlfriend’s ass. I understood and I do realize that I tend to go far sometimes.

Now here is the big news. I think I’m gay. Or at least for this party, I have to be. How am I going to photograph the real story if I am not that deeply involved. I danced with a guy for a bit, last night. The more and more I hang with them, the more I am involved. I enjoy photographing drag queens and guys, now. Today I thought of this crazy photo idea. I want to do an artistic photo of three guys dicks that have boners–something like that.

I going to start pushing things with the girls as well. I know what they’re thinking–they all think the same thing when they’re alone in that room with me. I’m not afraid and I know how to ask for the type of photo I want. In my last shoot. I was focused. I think all the reading and the meditating and such is helping me with that.


Take care !

I love you…for the duration of the entire shoot and for the entire duration of my edits. That’s the only way that things like this will work out.

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