Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by well, I guess. I worked because some other fucker keeps asking for days off. But that’s OK. I have to do what I have to do. I will not wok, tomorrow. One thing that’s on my mind right now is an incident that just happened. A coworker who needed to relieve me wanted me to stay another 45 minutes after I had already stayed 2 hours over. I didn’t want to. I wanted to say that I wanted to help her out. But the bottom line is that I was afraid to say “no’. I was really mad when I said “yes”. I was mad at her and at myself. I called her back twice. She eventually guessed the message and came back to work. I was ready to let her have it. She would have seen a side of me that she didn’t know I had–the ugly side. I don’t think I have a quick temper, but when I am mad, I am crazy. I hate seeing that sie of myself and I hate that I still have it. I hurt a lot of people with this side of myself.

I am a little disappointed in myself about the whole ordeal. Why am I afraid of speaking my mind and saying “no” when I want to. I can never be the Hugh Hefner type who lives with 5 girlfriends with this kind of thing going on about me. The women will run all over me, and I will never be respected. I will have to change this. I guess the best way to pactice is to just say “no” all the time until I feel that I am fixed.

I’m thinking about that women who’s phone number I got, yesterday. I don’t think I am ever going to all her. We’ll see.

I’m writng this on the way home. When I get home, I will work out and read about photography for the most part.

Take Care !



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