Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by well. I got plenty of sleep. I still felt lazy after 8 hours, but I got up and did my bioenergetic exercises. I had coffee, I meditated. I visualized my dream during a Katy Perry song. I practiced Krav Maga as I grilled my chicken that I planned to eat for lunch. I did a pretty good workout in front of the house garage. The workout felt really good. I did a lot of burpees. I love doing burpees and it toned me out pretty good, too.

I felt really lonely, today. You already know why. I keep writing about it even if I am too proud to admit it to myself. I feel like I don’t really deserve anyone, though. I don’t even like being around my own family, and I don’t like my mother. I get agitated easily…at least I noticed that about myself in the past, so maybe it has to do with specific personalities. The meditation center feels like it would be the right place to find someone. I’d like to meet a girl who actually does that. I’m actually looking forward to going this coming Wednesday. I can’t wait to do the standing meditation exercises and all.

I’m going to Krav Maga class, tonight. I am not working tomorrow, so I will go and walk around a get good photos of the city.

Girls again…

I keep just thinking of making pure love. That’s something I haven’t done in a while. Every thing just seems so hard like. I don’t know if I should describe it as hard. I enjoy my activities and all, but sometimes it feels like it all just keeps me too busy. It feels like there are just of places that I have to be and rules that I have to follow. I get tired of listening to instructions. I’m tired of waking up early and having to cook for myself. I’m not complaining. It just feels like there are all of these hard rules to follow, but no one soft to turn too, if that makes sense.

But I’m OK overall. I know it may not be time. I’d rather do the things I am doing, now to take care of things rather than bring another person into my world of problems. I’m not THAT lonely. I know I can find someone pretty easily, but I just don’t look because my issues weigh on my mind more than this girl problem.

I thought about that day I ran into that girl from The Netherlands. There may have been a chance that she was interested from the get go, but I just didn’t catch on.


This really sucks. I was going to go to my Krav Maga class, but I changed my mind because I forgot my belt. I really wanted to go 😦

They sort of make it a big deal if a person didn’t bring their belt. I didn’t bring it Saturday either, so I didn’t want to seem like I didn’t care or seem disrespectful because I didn’t bring my belt two days in a row.

So, now, I’m home and I have no clue what to do because I am usually not home at this time. So I guess I should study photoshop and photography and look for more models to shoot with too. I just want to find someone to shoot outside with this time.


That’s all I’m going to write about for now.

Take Care !






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