Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by well. I met a beautiful girl at the bus stop when I was leaving Krav Maga class, today. I noticed her from a distance when I was walking there. She was walking in my direction. She immediately caught my eye. She was thick and her hair had some sort of pink streaks going through them. It made her hair look good. She had beautiful skin and big eyes. I told myself not to stare. So I started reading my Playboy magazine that I had with me. She sat down at the bus stop for about a minute before she got up and interrupted me:

Excuse me…

She said and then she started asking me questions about bus times and directions and such. We started chatting a bit about that and then she went back to her seat. Then she came back and sat next to me. I was very relaxed and I was comfortable with her. We chatted more about everything–places we visited, food we like, music we like, and everything.

She asked me if I knew where such and such place was at and she wanted to know how to really get there. I was on my way to work at the time, but somehow I ended up being bad and calling in sick and just went with her to a cool place that I knew about. It was like we knew each other for a while. She was walking so close to me when we were walking down the street that I felt like I had no choice but to hold her hand. Eventually we hugged and kissed and…long story short, we ended up going back to her place and making love.

That’s the fantasy I had about the whole thing when our conversation died at soon as we got on the bus. She came back and sat next to me. I didn’t start up a conversation again because I didn’t want to make it obvious that I was already attracted to her. I told myself that if she wanted to be bothered and if she might be interested that she would just start up a conversation again.

Silence…I read.

She made another comment about the bus times and such and we started chatting more.

Silence…I read.

She interrupted me and asked me to help her count her money because she didn’t really understand the currency. She is from The Netherlands. We laughed and chatted and I helped her count her money and taught her what each coin and such meant. We started talking more and just hanging out. Our bus came. She sat in one place. I didn’t want to make it obvious that I wanted to sit with her and continue our conversation, so I just sat in one seat behind her. We didn’t talk anymore after that. I let the fantasy play as I read my Playboy.

My fantasy that I wrote above could have really happened if I was as good with women as people may think I am. I really really really have to fix this about me and I am sure I will.

Other than that, my Krav Maga class was good. I’m surprised I made it after only two hours of sleep. After the party with the girls last night, I came right home and went to bed. The girls seemed more comfortable with me, tonight. I think they’re always comfortable. It’s only me who’s going back and forth with the paranoia. One of them really loves getting her photo taken by me. It seems like no matter what she is doing, when I point my camera at her, she stops and looks and does all kinds of poses. My many snap shots show that she is paying attention to the camera all night long. Last night, she kept asking me to take photos of her and she really seemed to enjoy it.

I saw the stripper, that I had asked to shoot, last night, too. I didn’t bother mentioning the photoshoot again since she never answered my email. I thought that maybe she wants me to talk about it in person. But then I said, no…asking is asking. When I saw her, I just gave a casual “hi.” Sooo…she’s not going to be among the 13 girls. Even if she changes her mind and wants to shoot, now, I am pretty much done. I don’t want to shoot with her anymore.


Take care !




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