09/04/16

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by well. I didn’t go to the pool party like I had planned, and I didn’t meditate. I worked last night, and I was pretty tired after work. I got home maybe 10 or fifteen minutes later because someone stole my bike from the bus station. It doesn’t bother me as bad because someone had given me the bike. It wasn’t a very good bike. I had planned on buying  a  new one anyways. It’s a good thing to know that a bike can still get stolen in a highly secured area. They have security there who’s only job are to watch the bikes. My bike was locked up and it still got stolen. Now, I have to figure out a way to better secure my bike.

Yesterday, I had began to work out before work. Somehow I lost track of time and I thought I had more time than I did, so I packed up real fast and headed to work in my gym clothes. I ended up making it to my job’s neighborhood at the time that I normally do, so I just stopped in the park and did the last part of my workout for 10 minutes. It was a kind of difficult workout for me to do. They hardest for me to do were the squat jumps:

I think the burpees mixed with moutain climbers were a little hard too. I did my most favorite exercise, too–spartan push-ups:

Then I went to work and came home. I stopped to get a beer on the way home. I bought a 40 ounce I was so tired that even the 40 ounce was a little heavy for me to pick up. I really wanted to stay up and do a few things and drink. After making it home, and having coffee so that I could stay up and being distracted by a few youtube videos opened the 40 up and I started reading threw sections of my photography book. I took a few photos of my practice Barbie doll and I looked some ideas up. I was dead tired but I pushed through. I visualized having a good shoot with this up coming girl, and I tried out some photoshop idea that I thought would work, but they made the recent portrait photos look horrible. that setting is only good for nightlife. I finished the 40 and I fell asleep.

Deciding not to attend the pool party, I stayed home all day again and did nothing. I didn’t cook anything. I finger ate things out of my refrigerator. I became a kid for about 20 minutes and I watched a cartoon on Amazon called, “The Stinky and Dirty Show.” I think I actually like it. Other than that, I didn’t do much of anything. I’m getting ready to read another section of this photography book and do more practice shots with Barbie. I had all of these rolls of developed film that I never organized, so I will finally cut them up and put them in film folders as I drink a beer that I bought. I will write down my plans for tomorrow.

I do plan on attending another pool party that I know of, no matter how I feel, and I will workout before going to the pool party.

UPDATE:

I forgot that I wanted to write about family. I think that it is really bad that I am so distant from my family. My brother posted a photo on his facebook, today. It was a photo  of him with my two sisters, my nieces, and my nephews. I am never in any family photos. I haven’t been since I left when I was 18. I don’t think I’ve been in family photos since I had become a teenager and had become more independent. My mom yelled, too much, and I made sure to dodge her presence all the time. Even when I visit, nowadays, she seems to get on my nerves way faster and way more than anyone. I can’t be around her for very long. And, as I am typing this, that reminds me of why I moved so far away. They are in Illinois. I live in California. I don’t send gifts anymore. That’s something I should start back at least. I haven’t really stopped because I had been sending gifts to my mom. I guess I should send more stuff.

It’s just a part of life, I guess. But the family thing is what makes me not feel like a good person. I don’t think I am a good person at all. I watch this about myself. One day, I was almost late for work or to see a friend, I don’t remember, but there was a man passed out on the sidewalk dead drunk or something. I’m used to seeing drunk people, so I just walked right pass him. A guy angrily walked passed me saying, “you’re not going to help.” as he went to help him get up. This happened another time and I, as well as other people, just walked over a man that was drunk or something and laying in the middle of the sidewalk. Two girls stopped and asked if he was OK. I’m always on guard and wondering what people are up to. Since I study martial arts, I am always thinking to punch someone if they want to fight or things like that. I don’t know how to describe it, but I am not really a good person.

I had another group of people that I used to party with. I quit partying with them when I found another group. I quit partying with them when I found this group of gay girls. I really love this group, though. They welcome me more. They even announced me at their last party:

And meet David, our club photographer !

I am really comfortable with them. I feel like I have found my one. I don’t even look for other parties anymore. I just stick with them.I will catch up with this Hip-Hop partygroup I used to hang with because they really appreciated me too.

 

Take care !

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