Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Yesterday went by well. I didn’t do anything for most of the day. I stayed home and laid in bed and such, but I couldn’t completely relax for some reason. How do I just completely relax and enjoy and appreciate everything I have in my life? I always worry or think about things. I always just think about how to do things and such. I tried my best to relax yesterday. I didn’t want to leave the house. I didn’t jog like I had planned. I did nothing. I didn’t study anything. I just decided to try and watch a few movies that are on my Amazon Prime. They are getting a lot better. When I first subscribed they had almost no good movies. Now they are bringing on good ones. One thing I notice is that the really good ones are usually only available for a limited amount of time. I had never seen “The Matrix.” I got a chance to watch it because Prime had it available. It had all three. By the time I decided to try and watch “The Matrix Reloaded”, the movies were not available for free anymore. Yesterday I watched “No Country For Old Men.” I tried to watch it at least, but I kept dozing off in bed and having mini sex dreams/fantasies and not caving in to masturbation.

I haven’t masturbated in about a week or two. There’s this belief out there that it’s extremely good for you if you don’t. There are also some who say that masturbation is good for you. I tried to roll with the later thought because sometimes I get tired of all of these rules about what’s good or bad for you and such, but I do find it to be unhealthy to just let yourself do what you want to do. I went on to just see how I feel regarding this. At one point, I didn’t masturbate for a loooonnnggg time, and I felt great. I thought I looked a lot better too. Then I got sort of horny, I think, and I just caved in and started masturbating. I don’t really watch porn. Sometimes I just need tid bits of sexual information to get me going so that I can do that; that’s the only time I would look at porn, and I’m usually fine with just a 5 minute viewing. Doing all that made me feel horrible, though. I think I looked worse and maybe my confidence level was down. So now that I’m not doing it, I feel great. I will keep it that way for as long as I can.

But, I really felt like doing it, yesterday as I laid in bed, admittedly, thinking of a model I had shot with before. It seems creepy, but i think it’s normal. I don’t exactly look for it but there is the possibility of sex and relationships steaming photoshooting girls like that. I block those thoughts out during the time of the shoot. Actually, I get turned on during a shoot a lot of times, but hey, I guess those things are to be expected. Sometimes, looking back at the photos I had taken of some girls really gets me going. I looked back at the nude photos I had taken of this Russian girl, recently, and they are very sexual. I was practicing photoshop with them. One look at them turned me on. I was also practicing photoshop on an old photo that I had taken of this very beautiful girl who also has sparkling blue eyes and natural red hair and very beautiful full lips. The main thing that turns me on about her is her huge juicy booty. The way she is sticking it out in that photo is very attractive. Every time I look at old photos of her they take my breath away.

I meditated after I watched the movie and kept taking naps and such and then I took a shower and prepared to head out to the party. I drink a little vodka. I made it to the bar and the bartender girl gave me a beer even though I tried to pay. I know her, a little. I ran into my group and just hung out all night with them and did photos. The party was fun. I didn’t really like the music some of the girls were playing. But it was nice to see that it was different from the type of music they normally play. The girls performed really well. I love when they do their GoGo dances. I think the photos that I got are really good. The main girl likes them. I stayed and talked with them after the party. The main girl handed me some cash for my photos though I didn’t ask. She is a sweet girl for that. There was a girl filming the party. She was short kind of cute. I thought of asking her for a photo, but I didn’t want to disturb her. At the end of the night, when I was walking out, I ran into her. I forgot how and who started the conversation. I forgot what our conversation was about. I did ask her for a photo, and she gave me a kiss on the mouth. I appreciated that 🙂 Sometimes I get kisses after taking a photo. Sometimes I get kisses if I’m just standing around alone for some reason 🙂

Another thing I did yesterday was look up that model for more photos. I browsed her website. I noticed that she was published in my favorite magazine that I like to look at. I’ve always wanted to shoot with the kind of girls I see in that magazine, and now I’m shooting an actual one that has been in it. Her photoshoot in that magazine is beautiful. I am so sure that we will have a good shoot.

There are a few more things that I want to write about, but I feel like I have wrote enough.

Take Care !



2 thoughts on “09/03/16

  1. You know..since you write, I’m guessing words also turn you on a bit. You should try erotic short stories or novels. It’s not as …vulgar ..as porn can be (though I’m not saying I haven’t watched my share of porn)) . Try it sometime. Or you could be totally imaginative and create a whole scenario in your head.

    Liked by 1 person

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