Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by well. I have one more thing to do. I have to go home drink and listen to music and browse different photographer’s work. That’s what’s in my plans. I did everything else. I came to a conflict with plans earlier. I’ve always wanted to check out a mindfulness meditation center. Today, I had the choice of either visiting one that I had just found out about or going to Krav Maga class as planned. I decided to stick with plans. Next Wednesday, I will check out the meditation center. I have been meditating at home everyday without fail for twenty minutes. I am proud of that. I just want some outside pointers, though, and I want to meet other people who are doing it as well.

I didn’t work, today, so I slept in or I tried to. I still woke up pretty early, but I forced myself back to sleep. I finally got up and I started reading photoshop stuff and taking photos of the Barbie doll that I practice on. I meditated, I looked for models and kept checking my email over and over and over for a freaking model ! The hunt was rough, but I finally found someone beautiful. She is tall and has huge breast and is in very good shape. She seems very eager to shoot. She said I can call to talk more about the shoot if I wanted. I didn’t respond, yet. I’m so glad I found a girl, though.

Life is exciting. I take completely nude photos with very beautiful girls — just her and I in very intimate settings. A lot of girls trust me to do my job. That’s great. I think this girl responded so eagerly because I provided a lot of references. Unbelievably, I usually never do that. Now I see that I should always do that. My Krav Maga class makes life exciting too.

I sort of found the courage to act normal with a very beautiful girl in class, today. But not really. I always pay attention to body language. I can tell if a girl is going to be comfortable talking to me or not. She is because she started a conversation with me before. Orrrrr….I think it’s the other way around. I’m only comfortable talking to certain girls that put out the right aura for me. I do practice with some girls in class. Some girls I just avoid. I wont date anyone from class. There is no one that I like. It’s like work, you know. Don’t date anyone at work. I sort of don’t like practicing with the girls because they are not a physical challenge. Another way I can look at it is that it’s good I practice with them so they have a tough physical challenge. And of course I appreciate having so many beautiful girls in class for the sake of…I just like women, I guess.

I’m partying with the gay girls, tomorrow. I’m sure it will be an exciting time. I haven’t seen them since the day that they cussed out my potential date. Anyway…

Sorry I took a break. I made it home without finishing this. Sooo…I’m back.

I came home and made coffee and took a shower. My muscles hurt. I got into my email to look at more photos that the girl I was talking about above sent me of herself. She looks…OK. I would give her a 6. I still had some excitement left in me, about her; enough that I told myself that she might be cute and that I can work with her. I’m glad I’m not going to shoot with her, though. The sudden change in mind is because of the second email.

The name, the name, the name ! ! ! 😀

It’s her !

I am free that day. Can you give me your number again?”

It’s the tall Barbie red head that I accidentally stood up. She forgave me. She wants to shoot. She wants to shoot ! Oh, boy. I’m going to plan and practice and I’m going to plan and practice !

So, I going to send the other girl an email and cancel right away. After all, I’m not that excited about her looks. This real life Barbie is definitely someone I want to be in the book. What a journey.

Take care !



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