Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Yesterday went by well. The party was OK. I felt awkward in many situations, though. The gay girls didn’t seem to be as open to me. Maybe they were, it was just that my interpretations may have been wrong. I wasn’t as loose because I was a bit tired, perhaps. I had fun, sort of. I wasn’t really in the mood to mingle with the strippers. I didn’t even take photos of any of them. I avoided them.

I did run into the one stripper that I had planned on doing a photoshoot with. She made it awkward. She walked by me like she didn’t know me. I could tell that she was upset at me and that it was planned. We talked about doing a shoot together, long ago–not too long ago, though. We talked about this the last time we had a party there. She asked me to message her on instagram about the details of the shoot. I never did, because I wanted to talk to her in person. So when I saw her, I could tell that she was mad because she was waiting on me to message her. She looked beautiful and it was all beautiful–the way she kept walking by me and all, it was cute–the looks on her face and all.

I let her walk by me a few time before I said anything. I didn’t want the gay girls to spot me hitting on/building a relationship with one of the strippers. So I did it when I was sure no one was watching us. I walked up to her and told her that I was pretty much ready. She spoke back to me nervously and she let out a heavy breath. A sigh of relief? She seems really insecure, and I’m not sure why. She has a really soft voice. I can tell that she is really waiting to shoot. I will get to her. I asked if she was comfortable doing nude, and she said, “Yes.” I was afraid that she would say “no.” That’s what made me rush and find that Russian girl.

But she said, “Yes.” Now I don’t have to look for a girl at all. This is my next shoot.It will be easier for me to do it on the 9th of this month. That’s when I can pay her without really hurting my pockets. I want to be generous to her.

Well…that’s all I can write for now. I will tell you more about this night later.

Take care !



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