Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Things are going really well. I’ve been exercising and I’ve been feeling better. Like I said before, I think it’s because of the diet. And I am not sure if it’s because of the diet, itself or because I”m proud of myself when I cook and good meal, and that’s what makes me happy.

I haven’t been going out much. I went to an all guy gay party about a week ago. I ran into a girl that I knew from another party. She was with her girlfriend. We have always talked, and I may have even flirted with her a few times. I had no idea she was gay. She looked twenty times more happier than when I normally see her at this other bar where she is selling her vegan cookies. This time she had the biggest smile I had ever seen from her on her face and she was dancing her ass off.

I took a lot of photos. The guy who runs the party told me not to use my flash, but I didn’t listen. I only took snapshots here and there. I got the photos I wanted.

I went to treat myself to a burrito that night when the party was over, and I started flirting with the Hispanic girl in the truck. I was flirting just because. She seemed to really like the attention. She mentioned that she had a boyfriend, but I just kept flirting. I never asked her for a phone number. I got my food and left.

Anyways, enough of the story about that night. I wanted to write about something else. Lately, I’ve been thinking. Who am I, really? Who am I? What is it that I really want to do in life? Am I trying to be someone I am not?

How do you know who you really are? What’s the difference between being influenced by someone and trying to be like someone. I hope I am still not trying to be like the photographer I really liked. Our work can look the same at times, but mostly it doesn’t, I don’t think. Why do I like shooting girls? It’s not really because he liked shooting girls. He’s just a person’s work I cam across while I was looking at other photographers. I got into shooting girls, I think, because I saw my other friend’s photos of the models that he shoots.

Why do I like shooting girls? Why do I want the things that I want? Why do I want more than one girlfriend at a time, and do I really want that? How do I know what I really like?

Those are just questions I have been reflecting on, lately.

Take care !



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