I think I’ve said this time and time, again, or maybe I haven’t. Now, I don’t even know what I was going to say. I think I just feel like it’s all about me most if the time. I’m not sure if I care about family issues too much. I’m not sure if I know how to be a family member or a friend. I’ll work on this about myself. I think I have been. It’s complicated when my originally family are the ones who screws up though. You know what I mean?
My friend has been working, so I have been able to go to some places. I’m totally sold on living here. It’s beautiful. I went around the whole island, today. The mountains and the waters are breath taking. I swam at two different beaches. Both had strong waves. The waves here are really really tall. The beaches, in the really island parts of town are really really beautiful. Waikiki is a boring spot that many people like to go to. But I like the many places I went, today. This is just one main place I want my girls and I to stay. “My girls and I…”
My friend said that Hawaii is many people’s vacation dream. I never thought of it that way. I felt guilty all these years about not being able to visit my friend so I came here to visit.
I can’t believe that I even thought of looking for a girl to shoot with here. I should not have out that in my mind. It’s normal thinking, though. So it’s not that bad. I don’t care to find one at this point, though.
For some reason, I felt that I should just use Lily for my next shoot. We’re comfortable with each other. And I feel bad about asking her to shoot and then never following up. So when I get back, I’ll just ask her and forget about the stripper or another red head. If she says, “yes” we’ll make a beautiful story together. If she’s out of town — moved or something, I’ll just have to move on. She never says “no”. That’s all the more reason why I feel bad , now. Another reason I didn’t follow through with her is because I wanted to do the same type of shoot that I had drone with her already. That series was the only thing on my mind at the time. I couldn’t think of anything else. I thought it would be boring for her. The appropriate thing to do for that kind of shoot is to find a different girl. I’ll put every girl out of my mound, now and just ask Lily. So Lily’s the girl.