Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. The past few days have gone by well. I’ve just been exercising a lot and ordering things off of amazon. I like how I always have a lot that I want to write about, but when I get to this screen to type, I forget everything. I guess I can just freestyle my thoughts based off of what I remember.

I had asked a girl that I had shot with a while back to shoot with me again. She said “Yes.” But I changed my mind and never made plans with her. I guess I started to feel like I wanted to do the same type of shoot again, and it might be a little boring for her to do that same type of shoot again, so I would rather shoot with a girl I have never shot with before.

I remember our shoot, though. Recently, I have been thinking a lot about it. One thing that really stood out to me is that I did notice something funny about her breast after looking at the photos. During the middle of our shoot, I noticed her breast were started to get very pointy. I didn’t notice them during the shoot. In fact, it’s only started to ring a bell to me months, later. It’s finally obvious to me that that weird thing about her breast is her having an erection. Her nipples got hard. I’m only assuming it’s because she was horny.

She was fully naked the whole time. I learned of a sort of good musician from her. She asked if she can turn on some music. She decided to put on “Party Next Door.” Too bad I’m choosing not to see her again.

I had a dream about another girl. She was one of the first few girls I had ever done photo shoots with. We took a lot of photos together. I did the same thing to her, too–I asked her to shoot again, and when she said “Yes”, I changed my mind and never responded. I think, in cases like those, I’m acting out because of some sort of jolt I get from nostalgia. In the dream I had of her. We were shooting in a hotel room, and she was doing some very sexual moves and poses with her but. It was really turning me on.

I haven’t shot with a girl in a bit, now. Except for my musician home girl. But that was Her shoot, not mine, if you know what I mean. I am planning on doing a shoot with someone. I don’t have the girl, yet. I know that I prefer her to be white and with natural red hair. I’m reading through a photography book, and I am drawing diagrams of things I want to implement based off that book. I want this shoot to be very very good when it happens. This one will be real sexual. She will be completely naked, too.

Sooooo….do you remember that drug dealer I told you about a week or two ago. Am I getting involved in this? We’ve been in contact with each other, and I invited him to a party so that he can sell his stuff there. What does this mean?

Anyways, I keep thinking a lot about this shoot. I want all my shoots to be really really good. It’s great to read books about photography. A lot of books have good and useful information in them. I’ve been taking photos for all of these years, and I’ve only read …well now that I think about, I shouldn’t be so hard on myself because I have read quite a few. It’s just that some of the information in the books were repetitive. But the book I am reading, now, I have actually had it for a few years, but I could never bring myself to read it. Maybe it’s because it’s like a mid level or advanced book, and I didn’t understand it when I tried to read it before. Reading it now, I see that it has a lot of very useful pointers. It’s called “The Photographer’s Eye” by Michael Freeman.




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