Dear Journal,

How are you feeling?  As for me, I’m fine. Yesterday went by well I suppose. I decided to let myself feel shitty. I didn’t feel like going to Krav Maga class, today, but I forced myself too. I was feeling fine until I made it there. For some reason, I started to feel like a loser. I am not sure why. The feeling just came up and lasted all through class. I was lost and feeling very not sure of myself. I was feeling like an underachiever.

I usually go to the park and exercise after Krav Maga class, but I decided to let myself sit and contemplate and be a little sad, so I went to Starbucks to sit and think and kill time before work. I had nearly an hour to kill. I decided that I was just going to sit there and contemplate.

I ordered a small cup of coffee and I sat in the corner and sat on one of the seats that had a view out of the window. On the way to that seat, I noticed this very very beautiful girl sitting a few seats down from my target seat. She was drinking her coffee and looking out of the window. She was really beautiful.

So I sat there trying to get myself to relax and be present and not worry about negative things and what people think. I was trying to get rid of all the negative thoughts that constantly roll through my mind. I would take occasional glances at the woman, but be careful not to look to much or just plane stare.

If I am the player, I want to be or think I am, I would be over there talking to her right now with no problem. G, I still have a lot of work to do before I am good at this. What’s wrong with me?

That’s part of what I was thinking while I was sitting there. I go tired of just sitting there thinking, so I decided to pull out my phone and play chess.

“Excuse me.”

I heard her soft voice say, as I turned to look and see her getting up talking to me.

“Do you need a refill?”

That’s what she asked me, pretty softly.

“What ! ? She wants to buy me a refill? She must feel sorry for me and think I am a homeless man with nowhere to go so I am killing time in Starbucks,” is what I thought immediately.

“No, Thank You !”

I said pretty quickly and went back to my chess game.

Then she walked out. I checked her out as she left. She had a very beautiful body. She had the perfect type of ass that I like. Her looks were just perfect. But, she thinks I am homeless and wants to play good Samaritan, tonight, so I thought.

On my way out, a real homeless girl stopped me and asked me for money for coffee. I told her I could buy her coffee and I did. It seems like she ordered the most expensive one on the menu ! Anyways, I have to admit. That homeless girl was young and beautiful. That might be the reason why I even bought her coffee.

So I made it to work and I told my coworkers this story about how this lady thought I was homeless and wanted to buy me coffee. I thought they would laugh. No one did. They all looked confused and wondered what I was getting at. The first thing they interpreted is that the woman was flirting with me. Hours later, I really feel like they are right. What was I thinking !

I’m usually always on the hunt, you know. The minute I put my pick up weapons away, this woman comes by me and I don’t notice a thing.

Shucks ! missed connection.

In good news, my Turmeric soap came in the mail, today, and I can’t wait to use it. I can’t believe I spent 11 bucks on a bar of soap.

Take care !




3 thoughts on “03/09/16

    1. I started to feel sad. I could have cheered myself up, but just let it be. I think a part of me likes sadness. I put on sad music and drink wine and daydream, I think I just like doing it from time to time. Always nice to hear from you. Keep writing !

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yea, I don’t even know why I asked (maybe just because I was little concerned about you) because I am kinda the same in this. So when you say it like that I truly understand you.
        TY and take care 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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