01/29/15

“Of course I do.”

That’s what ran her off. That little line; those four words; I’m sure that’s what ran her off. It was just too much excitement in them. She could tell. Women can tell stuff. But what do I care anyways? She’s married. But she’s looking. I’m sure she’s just looking for a fling or maybe just a complete someone knew. She told me that her husband was lazy. He probably doesn’t have sex with her or something. I didn’t go for it when it was obvious. I just thought, “no, I will not do another affair.” The bad part of me sort of regrets it because she was absolutely beautiful. The life I want to live; the image of the woman by my side that I’ve always pictured in my head, she matched the description completely. She even matched the race–Russian !

“So do you want to shoot again?”

“Of course I do.”

and then there was just…blank. No response after that. I got it. I lost her, and I haven’t messaged her since; nor has she messaged me.  I’m still thinking about her. I told myself I will not do affairs and such. But I am thinking about her. So I guess I’m not sticking to my word. Will I have affairs again?

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Yesterday went by well. I slept good. I woke up and went right to making my lunch and dinner. I had breakfast, but oh wait, I had to stop at the store to get oatmeal so I can have it for breakfast. I like an older woman that works at the grocery store. She has beautiful eyes and really really long hair, and she’s nice to me. I joked and talked with her a bit and focused on making good eye contact. I’m almost sure she’s married. I didn’t even look for a ring. I’ll check next time.

Yeah, so I had breakfast and I made my lunch and dinner. By the time I finished with that, it was time for me to leave for KRav Maga. Krav Maga class was great. I got partnered with a funny and attractive woman. I’ve very very attracted to a different woman that I see in there though. She is definitely my type and is absolutely beautiful. When she walks in, it’s like those vibrations just get going ! I pretend to not notice her, though. I don’t say hi or look her way and I’ve never been partnered with her. We’ve never even met. I’m not sure if I would get involved with her. It’s my Krav class. It’s like dating at work.

I saw no girls I could approach except for when I stopped by the grocery store this morning. I turned that corner and I’m sure w stood out to each other like a sore thumb. I noticed her from a distance. She was starring. I was a bit thrown off. She looked like a girl I had asked to get a room with at a party once. But when I got close, I saw it wasn’t her. She was beautiful–red dress, blond hair and sparkling blue eyes. She was looking. I looking back for a sec and made eye contact for a second, but I looked away and kept going on my way. That was bad of me. I thought I was ready. She looked and looked. She even looked to see what kind of groceries I had. I noticed all that. I should have at least smiled and said “Hi.” Oh well. The rest of my day will not go this way. I promise.

Take care !

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