Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine.Actually I’m a bit downcast. I listened to my too little happy songs, but they didn’t help much. I said the “Tssss relax” thing, it helped a small amount too, I guess. I put on a cool music playlist. One of the songs that are on this playlist is a song called “Hello”, by Erykah Badu. For some reason, hearing  Andre’s verse in the song makes me happy. It’s such a nice verse. Overall, I’m doing my best to stay positive.

I didn’t do any exercise I had planned on doing, what so ever, when I woke up, today, so of course that’s a big reason. Another reason is because of this party I woke up and went to, today. There were so many beautiful girls there. I wished one of them were mine, and also, I was mad at myself for choosing not to approach any. I thought about it, but I told myself to just chill and let’s see. I was also thinking about last night’s girl. Looking back on what I wrote, yesterday, I can conclude that that girl wanted a kiss, but since I didn’t go for it she just said those words in return. Our mouths were nearly touching–duh ! I have to find a way to use my common sense faster. But hey, I appreciate that moment. So it’s like, I get it now. I know what I choose. I choose to have a girlfriend or two. I was thinking about this for the past few days. I’ll be happy with two women, specifically. I’m pretty sure that’s what going to happen to me in the future, but how and what two women will be mine?

I couldn’t sleep. I think I went to sleep at about 8 or a little after 8am. I didn’t set any alarm or anything. I woke up at 1, but then went back to sleep until 3pm. I ate breakfast, had coffee, and then I went to the party. The party was good. It was a psytrance party. I used to go and take photos of these kinds of parties all the time, but I haven’t been to one in about a year or a little over a year. I had the same type of insecurities that I do, now–people think I’m weird or a loser for doing photos all the time. They do not. They absolutely love it. I got a clue from that, today, from all the people that gave me big hugs and then introduced me to their friends saying I type good party photos. They were glad to see me back on their scene. One lady danced with me a bit and gave me a big hug and said, “I hope you didn’t forget about your psytrance. I know you have to do photos elsewhere, and you’re all over the place, but please don’t ever forget your psytrance!” That was sweet. She’s a nice lady, and is one of the ones I thought didn’t like me because I did photos all the time. I will kill that thought this year. Another funny thing to take note of is that her friend caught us hugging and talking. I could tell she thought I was some guy trying to talk her up or something. I wasn’t. She’s married, by the way, and her husband greeted me at the party as well. Her friend put on a protective face and stood in our area. When we got done hugging, her friend then hugged me and introduced herself. Her hair got in my mouth :P. She was a cool lady, though. I’m looking forward to going to more of these. They’re where I started.

So I choose to cure all of these insecure thoughts. I chose to really catch on fast to cues. Come on, man ! I chose to find at least, one of the women this year. I know this year will be great.

One more thing before I leave–April. I’m not going to rush to find anyone else, because in her head, based off what I said, she probably got the days wrong or something. I told her either this Friday or Wednesday, she simply said “yes.” I don’t think she has checked the messages ever since, so she didn’t read my last one. I can either wait on her orrrr….I can just find someone else and maybe use her next month if it feels right. I’m more leaning on finding someone else because I really want to shoot. I’m going to think on this. You know what, I thought. I’m finding someone else. It maybe has nothing to do with her at this point. I’m just changing my mind. But no wait…I will think on it and see how I feel, tomorrow.

Take care !

Today’s plan:

Gratitude for 2 minutes, olive oil, sleep. Pray to God. Ask God

Wake up, have coffee. Listen to the happy song. Hug yourself in the mirror while saying, “I love you.”

be happy with what you have and express gratitude for two minutes.

Set a strong intention about what you choose to accomplish today.

Do the Mattison Grey exercise,

Do the ifbg exercise x 2

Do the Grand Canyon exercise.

Read your activation statement.

Do your I choose statements. x 2

Have the self dialogue for 5 minutes or more

meditate, meditate.

work meeting if there is one.

exercise: do tabata, run for 20 minutes, practice 3 sets of all kicks, squats(hardfox)

cold shower and breakfast

apply for photography job

study wordpress and coding.

study english





3 thoughts on “01/04/16

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