Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by well. I only got a few hours of sleep really. I stayed an hour and a half later at work because some guy came late. I’m trying not to gravitate towards disliking the guy because #1-he comes late a lot and I end up having to do his job and #2- he is sort of panicky. Doesn’t seem to be able to handle himself under pressure. If I said something to him about something, he’d freak out(has freaked out) and make a big deal about it. He panics when I ask simple questions. But as of now, I just view him as a new and panicky guy who has a hard time waking up in the mornings. But I’m really on edge to exhibiting my right to dislike him.

So let’s get right to the point. Well, firstly, before that. I bought my camera ! I like it so far, though I don’t really know how to use it, yet. It came with a nice lens, too. I will really really take care of it. I used it a bit, today.

OK, back to the topics I wanted to write about today. Let’s talk about Joanne. Long story short, she’s a coworker at my job. She’s old enough to be my mom or grandma. I didn’t like her when I first started working at my job. I thought she talked to much about things that are not her business, and that bothered me. I guess that’s a sort of stupid reason not to like someone. I ignored her for a long time. I hadn’t seen her in a while and I still had my dislike registered. But when I finally saw her this week, I was more relaxed than usual. I guess the meditation and all the other things I have been doing are actually helping me. Speaking of that, I don’t think I will be able to afford my special Rhodiola Rosea this pay period. I am out and I just might have to wait until next paycheck. I found a cool store around here for them too. Now I don’t have to order them from Amazon anymore. There are so many awesome restaurants and stores on Hollywood Blvd. The bottle I am eyeing cost $20. I found this store on my way to a party around the corner.

So back to what I was saying. I was a bit more relaxed. And she seemed to have grown very found of me. It was like a motherly feel. She hugged me “Merry Christmas” and such when I was leaving. I think she’s starting to view me as a son, you know what I mean. I think I’m some sort of passive aggressive asshole, and I need to get over that.

Let’s talk about DJ Sara. She manages the bar I take photos at all the time. She likes me a lot, it seems. But I have rarely took the time to talk to her for more than 5 or ten minutes, personally. She tries, but I am always intimidated by her, I think, and I am not sure why. It’s ridiculous. I wish I can be normal around her. I even struggle to look at her in the eye, and that’s a shame. It may be out of respect, I guess, because I try not to flirt with her. I feel strong eye contact is flirty behavior, sometimes. So perhaps I am confused on what to do in her case. I hope I didn’t creep her out already. And I still don’t get why I feel like I creep people out all the time. I should stop it. I need to stop it.

Speaking of worrying about creeping people out. I am at it right now as I write. I am doing my best to keep up with my friend’s music. I usually follow musicians I meet on their soundcloud after I have met them or have been to one of their parties. It’s still hard to keep up with everyone, though. So I came up with the idea to make a spotify playlist made up of a few of each person’s songs I like. I’m afraid to add the DJ who hugged and kissed me on the cheek  Friday night, even though I like some of her songs that I am listening to, right now. I think it will just look weird. So I may hold off for a few months. But is it even worth that? I hate this war of worrying about doing the right thing with people and worrying about who likes me or not.

That’s all I’m going to write about, tonight. I’ll write more about people I think I creep out, tomorrow. Remind me to write about DJ Kim.

Today’s plan:

return books to the library

hot shower, olive oil, sleep.

wake up and go pick up business cards.

come home make breakfast (Yummy Italian omelettes !) Prep lunch and dinner as well.

meditate, meditate, visualize.

Study photoshop.

Jog for 20 minutes. Working on punches and elbows. Observe a grappling video.

Take care !



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