Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Yesterday went by well. I woke up; since I am not on any diet schedule I decided to treat myself to a nice Greek gyro sandwich at a very authentic Greek restaurant across the street from where I live. I have been wanting to try and sandwich there for a while, now, and I finally did. It was very delicious. I had the sandwich at soon as I woke up. I woke up, threw on clothes, washed my face a bit, and then I walked there. I weighed myself when I got up. I told myself that if I gained a pound or two I will not go. But when I checked my weight, I was actually down a pound. Woohoo ! So I gladly went.

After that I made tea and coffee. The tea I am drinking a lot these days is called Rose Rogusa. When I have it fresh…I mean it has an impact on me. I am relaxed as though I have been smoking weed. I really like this tea a lot. I think rose bud tea is another name for it. I’m starting to have a growing love for teas. Tomorrow, before I go out, I’m actually going to mix some vodkas with some sweet teas–back to the hard alcohol, right ? 😛  I will not drink a lot of it, though. I only thought of trying it because I read about it in one of my health books. It’s healthier than drinking beer. I will have a few comes as I listen to some tunes and such.

I drank the coffee as I visualized; Yes ! I visualized and consistently meditated AND said affirmations all week long without taking a day off. Visualizing goes fast when I play music with it. I’m not sure if I am doing my meditations right. I know I need to review the instructions on the candle light one. I used to do it as a teenager. I read it in a meditation book I bought. As far as I remember I am supposed to just light the candle, stare at it, breathe in while counting to ten, breathe out while counting to ten.  I did it for ten minutes a day as a teenager, and it made me feel wonderful. So I am doing it for ten minutes a day, now. I am following the instructions from a book on the more serious 20 minute meditation I do as well. This is more complicated and involves closing my eyes and focusing on my breath, without thinking about anything else the whole time. My thoughts wonder like crazy though. I guess I will get better at doing it with time.

After that, I went to Krav Maga class. We had an empty class pretty much. I feel back into the groove of it, you know. I really love the grappling portion. My knees are busted and bleeding from rubbing them around on the ground so much, though.

I thought of the Russian girl today. I think about her a lot actually. I think about kissing her, walking with her, how beautiful she is, marriage, kids, her lips,  etc. I haven’t messaged her, yet. I don’t think I ever will. I figure that, if I am really trying to do good and do the right thing, with me knowing that I like her(and she may like me even) but she’s married, it may be best to just not see her again at all, you know. I’m not sure if I will stick to that plan if she messages me though, but at least, for now, the smallest step I can take is to not message her.

I think I am finally getting on track with my money. I’m ready to open up a money marketing account — more savings ! That means I’ll be saving 20% of my money now. I tried so hard to just save for my emergency funds, shoe box style. That’s a stupid idea based off what I learned from reading Money Masters, these past few days. My mom never taught me about money. I am finally learning about it, now. My mom is still horrible with money. At least she has a 401k, though and has been at her job for over 20 years I think. But she recently received money for her husbands death an is just spending it like it is infinite.

Well, between being disturbed here, I forgot what else I was going to write, so I will just end it here.

Today’s plan:

Go home and hot shower sleep and rub myself in olive oil. Look up a proper masturbation technique; make love to myself and go to bed.

Wake up and go pick up business cards.

head out to go hiking at the place in….where should I go? Let’s do Inglewood. I’ll take my last shot with the roll of film and make it good.

Come home shower, meditate, meditate, visualize

nap if there is time.

Wake up, music and alcohol with tea–maybe a 40 if I am in the mood. Coffee first, though because I’m sure I will need it.

Party…at the bar and at Danielle’s party.

Cheers !

“I’ve been feeling kind of strange lately.
I don’t know what’s going on with you baby.
But ever since I came back from out of town.
Something’s telling me some bullshit is going down.

Is there someone else?”

~Changing Faces — G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T



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