Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Yesterday went by well. I did everything as planned. Meditating for an hour definitely does wonders. I am noticing a lot of things right away–I think I am observing that I am getting smarter. I’m judging that by, perhaps, two things I am noticing:

1) I’m kicking the computer’s ass in Chess. The computer used to kick my ass all the time.

2) I noticed I had better fighting techniques in Krav Maga class yesterday.  I was able to take notice of some things.

Besides that, I like just sitting there upon first waking up and starting my day because I am lazy and any sitting down activity is appealing to me. Everything feels good and I have been on a three day streak since figuring this method out. For 20 minutes I sit down and visualize everything that I want as I sip coffee and listen to songs that put me in my dream mood. For 10 minutes I just breath and stare at a candle light. For 20 minutes I close my eyes and meditate as I focus on my breath. When I am done, I feel golden.

Anyways, I have a number of things I want to write to you about. I will keep it at two or maybe three if I feel like writing a bit about that Russian girl. Let’s start with number one.

1) The German Girl:

For these past few days. I think I am finally developing a bit of sense, and I am sure I am not overthinking. The girl doesn’t like me at all. She doesn’t respect me anymore neither. At this point I feel like she just wants to use me for photos now. For some reason I suddenly thought about the time she asked me to drive way out to a desert to a party she was at. It wasn’t because she wanted to see me, specifically. It’s like she wanted me to drive way out there and take photos of her. But as I am writing this, I’m starting to feel like I am wrong and am overthinking. Sure she wanted photos. Did she miss me and want to see me? I highly doubt it. So I’m right. Fuck her. I’ll just distance myself from her from now on. I can’t believe I am just now catching on. What a dummy.

2) My Younger Brother:

He only wanted to spend time with me. If it were a girl, I would have been way more enthused. I didn’t want to spend money on him so I didn’t take him to a restaurant. I should forgive myself a bit because I am curious why he is his age and has never had a job (We were not raised together) and, therefore, doesn’t have a dime to his name. I doubt he would want to use me. But he did ask me for 5 bucks. He didn’t tell me what it was for, but I’m sure it was for weed. Anyways, if it were a girl, I would have gladly spent whatever money I was trying to save. I was so ready to take that Polish girl I met to a nice Russian restaurant. So because I was being a selfish cheap ass to my own family, I was punished; I lost my camera thus making me lose way more than what I thought I was saving. My camera loss was a punishment.

3) The Russian Girl:

I did honestly want to and I planned on asking her to shoot again. But at the same time, I think I liked her right away from the get go. I think about her. And true she didn’t reply to my message back to her, but I didn’t really respond:

Her: “Do you want to shoot again?”

Me: “Of course I do. I have place in mind if you can make it out. It’s a hiking trial.”

So where’s the rest of her answer right? What about asking her for a time and the place specifically. I’m almost sure that that’s what she’s waiting on, you know. So when I am ready, I will. I’m honestly not ready, though. I want to do those composition assignments for a while and then go back to shooting with some girl. I know 100% that they will help me out along with copying pin up poses. I guess I should tell her that I message her another time or something. I don’t want my work to look exactly the same you know. I want it to be incredible, especially with her.

I guess that’s all I’m going to write about, today. Krav Maga class did kick my ass, yesterday. I puked after about an hour. I felt it coming and I excused myself to the toilet. I felt a lot better afterwords, though, and I got my energy back to last another hour.

Today’s plan:

wake up and check with work about something.
Go out and shoot downtown.
Go grocery shopping.
Come home and have breakfast.
Meditate, meditate, and visualize.
Study photoshop
upload Thanksgiving photos.
Open a new bank account for your emergency savings.
workout if you have time(punches and kick combos)  Jump rope for 20 minutes.
go to work.

Study English at work and watch another photography video.


7 thoughts on “12/16/15

  1. From my own experience, the meditating thing is a bummer! Feeling relaxed, and golden exactly as you said. I can relate to that, big time.
    3 things:
    a) The camera loss? You know that things happen for a reason right? But I think that it didn’t really happen because you did not give the money to your brother, but I would say because those things just happen (all the time). You don’t really have to blame it on karma this time. Still feel kinda sorry for it, like it was my own one.
    b) If you have a feeling The German girl only wants to see you because of the photos then clearly she doesn’t deserve not even a 1mm of your attention or time.
    And the third thing? I am kinda curious about one thing – you are saying “uploading thanksgiving pictures”, it’s a shame I can’t see your site with them.


      1. Yea I still do it, when I feel somehow down, it makes me feel better, after I’ll do the dishes I am about to meditate, because I kinda feel I need it today.
        That would be awesome, if I can see your website,definitely!

        Liked by 1 person

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