12/13/15

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. I’m 93% over my camera loss. I don’t think I have written to you in about two days, right? Sorry about that. I’ve been living, you know? I don’t know how I’m going to start off writing to you, today. I guess I can start with talking about Friday.

Friday was great. I forgot exactly what I did after work, oh wait, I remember. I was so tired that I slept. The plan was to come home and clean up and fold my laundry clothes that I had done the night before and also to drink my last 40oz and do my last line of coke. Well, I just thought it was wise to just go right to sleep. I was so tired that I slept with my clothes on. That’s something I never do. I woke up after about three hours of sleep. I cleaned up and folded my laundry; I quickly made and bought new business cards; I drank the 40, but really wasn’t in the mood for coke; I showered and dressed up and did errands–went back to work to get my phone because I left it, and I went to pick up my business cards.

I still had about an hour or two or actually a lot of time before I went out to do other things. So I made myself a salad which consisted of mostly parsley, avocado, and tomato. I bought another 40…opps, so you know where this story is going, I think, maybe. But, hey ! After I had the salad and the bread and olive oil, I wasn’t in the mode to drink it so it’s still in the fridge 🙂 I think I meditated for 10 minutes and then I headed out.

So I have decided to side with the devil, perhaps, and not give up drinking. I’ll just lower my dosage like he suggested. So instead of buying a bottle of super hard liquor, I left the 40oz at home as well, by the way, and I bought myself a small can of beer. It only cost 1 buck and it worked as far as my mood or whatever needed to be taken care of.

I made it to a new bar that I was curious about. I went alone. I always roll alone. I expected punk rock music. The bar was nice looking, the old school music they played was decent, and the people there were beautiful–the type of crowd I like, but the scene was way dead compared to what I’m used to, so I just sat and relaxed and people watched for an hour or so and then I went to my normal bar. I bought a very small box of wine that said it totaled to three glasses of wine I sipped on that a little and for most of the rest of the night.

That bar was OK. The people who threw the party this time are OK, but not that great, so the crowd was “meh” as well, but hey, I enjoyed what I could. I used my point and shoot camera to do photos all night. It takes and external flash, so I used a flash from one of my film cameras. It’s lot slower than my DSLR, but I still took great photos. I’m even going to post a photo of one that I did, so stay tuned ! I really like the set up, so I may use it often. People seemed less receptive to it, I guess…but it’s hard to tell because like I said the crowd was, “meh”. That may be an understatement. The crowd may have been shitty, but I can’t say that because besides the three shitty people I’m about to mention below, every one else was more than OK. I even met two very nice girls.

Shitty person #1:

The guy who is part of the group that threw the party. Humans are weird. There is something about this incident that didn’t really piss me off per say, but my attitude about him, at this point is like, “Really, fucker !?”

Him: “Hey man, thanks for doing photos ! Hey, we’re giving out t-shirts, do you want one?” (I slightly noticed his body language as being kind of hesitant)

Me: “Ummm….yeah, sure man. How much are they?”

Him: “Oh they’re free man, we’ll just give you one.” as he hands me a plain black to shirt. He stood and looked at me a sec. His body language was kind of hesitant, again and then he says “Do you want one with our logo on it?”

Me: (Thinking about it for a sec) “Ummm..OK sure.”

He took the shirt back and said catch up with him later and he’ll find me one. Through out the night, every time I would cross his path he would ask me if I had gotten a shirt. When I said yeah, he kept saying he’ll give me one. I just summed it up that he didn’t want to give me one to begin with so why the fuck did he ask? If he wanted to give me one, they were sitting on the table and he would have handed me one to begin with. I didn’t even want the thing. I just said yes to his offer, but was only left to analyze why his desire to give me a shirt wasn’t the simple process of giving me one that he offered that was right on the table. I could be wrong. But either way, I don’t deal with fucks like that. Anyone who can’t go from A to B in one easy step is not someone I will surround myself with.

Shitty person #2

This bitch? I only walk around snapping photos and talking to people and I ask them if they want a photograph. Some say yes, some say no. I saw her and I said, “hey. do you want to copy a pin-up–do a photograph?” She said one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard in my life: “I don’t know let me ask my boyfriend.” Her boyfriend is the security guard who knows me. I should have dropped it from there but I was in a happy mood and it didn’t register at the time. She thought I was flirting with her or something and that was her reaction. But I said, yeah ! pretty much in a good and joking mood, and I said let’s go over to your boyfriend. She pointed him out, and I told him he quickly shook his head, yeah and went on about his job. Then he turned around and yelled to her that I work there. So we started talking about photos and I was showing her some pin ups. I think she knows she’s ugly–she was, but a lot of times I don’t discriminate. As her boyfriend–the security guy walks buy she grabbed him and started making out with him. And we all started talking. It still didn’t come to light to me yet, that she didn’t want a photo and she may have done the make out thing in hopes that I walk off or something.  So after she made out with him, we did three photos that were shitty anyways, but I was going to put one up because I was like whatever. I guess the photos bothered her so much because as I was roaming around, her and her boyfriend stopped me and he asked me to delete the photos. So it’s been bothering her this whole time? I just deleted them because it wasn’t like they were golden. This bitch was ugly. I’m just more annoyed by the fact that she went through all of that shit as a reaction to a simple question: “Can we do a pin up photo?” Other girls said “no”, so why couldn’t she. She went fucking waaaaaayyyy low from the get go: “Let me ask my boyfriend.” That’s dumb shit ! That ain’t a quality girl at all. The security guard guy can do better than that.

Shitty person # 3

??? I forgot, but I’m sure I had that security guard in mind. That ugly low class  bitch probably runs his life and  I am disappointed in him.

Anyways. I also asked every one about what happened to me that night. No one knows. They said I seemed fine and was just a little drunk and I walked out like I always do near the end of the night. That black out is my own little mystery, man. I had another beer at the bar–only one. I left the bar to go to the after party. I wasn’t drunk. I finished that small box of wine and I really started to feel like I had to puke, but I didn’t. The after party was nice, and I regret not making it there earlier.

I saw an old friend there. She’s a girl that I subtly approached before when I first started reading about how to get more women. I can’t believe I tried her. It was just weird. Don’t try friends. I hadn’t seen her around sense and she seemed disappointed that night, but when I ran into her Friday night, she immediately gave me a hug and a corner kiss, so that means she forgot I guess. Sweet. We’re still friends. The music was great. I was able to get awesome photos at that party. I bought a beer. I’m not sure why I did because I didn’t even feel like drinking it. I took a few sips and gave it to another guy who was high. I did a bump of coke that I pocketed before I went out. One bump was good enough. The feeling lasted me all night. I still had energy coming home at about 7 in the morning and I stayed up editing and posting photos.

Yesterday, I did nothing. I stayed home and watched a Kung Fu movie and tried to watch Fight Club, but kept falling asleep. I optimized my pc a bit and started getting my data life organized. It was nice to just relax at home and drink tea.

Today, I woke up to a message from that very beautiful Russian girl:

“Can we do a photoshoot, again?”

This girl looks very amazing. I am lucky. I didn’t reply, yet because I have been busy. I have a lot to write to you about, actually, but we’ll do it tomorrow. It’ll be mostly about feelings and girls and money and family.

After I woke up I checked some stuff online. I ran for 20 minutes and I practiced doing punches and did push ups and sit ups. . Oh, I actually meditated for 20 minutes before exercised. I came back and meditated for another ten minutes. I decided to start doing stare into the candle light meditation as well because I tried it long ago and it helped my mood a lot so that’s what I did for 10 minutes. Meditation works wonders. I feel great.

I made my favorite breakfast again. I’m not sure if I am good at cooking it. He’re a pic. I used a lot of thyme and rosemary on top

IMG_2876

I’m going to go to Chinatown, now to do groceries a bit. I need shrimp for my curry and I’m out of fish oil. Today I will watch photography, videos, take a few photos with my film camera, and I will study English.

Take care. Oh. Here’s a photo I did from the night with my point and shoot.

IMG_2874

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