12/10/15

“If you are going to drink alcohol to lower your inhibitions and feelings of awkwardness, so you feel more comfortable around other people, there is a fine line between having a nice buzz and being the life of the party, and getting black out drunk and making a fool of yourself. When it comes to pickup and attraction skills for men and overcoming their approach anxiety, in the long run, they will do much better and build their confidence if they only talk to women when they are sober. Synchronicity, serendipity, fate and love at first sight always seem to happen when you least expect it. Therefore, if you’re a guy who’s trying to improve your social and pickup skills with women, do it sober. You’ll become more successful, happier, confident and skilled than trying to force things by going out to get drunk, and then trying to talk to women.”

~ Coach Corey Wayne

Perhaps he’s write, but I love drinking on the weekends.

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. I’m doing better. I did everything I had planned on doing, yesterday except…exercise 🙂

I’m lazy, right? Haha ! I don’t know. I let myself talk me out of it. Let’s see what happened here. Well, when I woke up, I couldn’t help but to think about my camera, again, and it made me very sad. I went right to looking up ways for me to find it again. I did crazy craigslist checks and googled info on how to find a stolen camera. I called the police department to file a police report, but I never did because no one answered their phone. I was on hold waiting for supposedly “busy helping other customers” people to finally answer. I walked to the end of my block and back to the house and gave up when they still didn’t answer the phone. I did all kinds of google searches on how to find a stolen camera. After about almost two hours of wasting time like that I pulled myself together and got on with my day.

I meditated for 20 minutes and then I cooked my delicious breakfast. Nothing feels better than eating a very healthy breakfast that involves a lot of spinach to start your day. I put a lot of thyme and rosemary on top of the eggs. That breakfast, and food all day was just powerful ! I’m cooking meals out of this book, by the way. It has 30 days worth of the most excellent recipes ever and a ton of other good information. This book is the reason why I’m taking the supplements that I do and am drinking tea so much.

After breakfast, I went right into studying photoshop. I did all of this while battling sad thoughts about my camera. I listened to sad music as I played around in photoshop. I decided to use what I studied from today to edit some photos of a girl I had shot with a long time ago, but never put on my website. I spent time editing her photos and then I posted the story on my website. With thoughts of my camera still being very heavy in my head, I decided to give myself some time to grieve and I turned off all the lights in my room and listened to the same very sad love songs I had been listening to for years. I listened to people covering the songs as well. Then I decided to visualize for 20 minutes. After that, I had to prep my lunch and dinner to get ready to go to work. So that’s why I didn’t exercise. I wanted time to grieve. I feel better at the moment.

I am going out on Friday. I am going back to the same bar. Some party throwers really want me to show up there, I can tell. They loved my photos from the last time. I remember the last time I was there too. That’s when I was sort of concerned about my drinking. I did notice I was really drunk, but I didn’t black out. I just know that the next day I regretted not being able to enjoy the party more because I did drink too much and I barely remembered the night. I drank an entire 375ML bottle of a very strong drink called “Wild Turkey 101.” I drank it straight with no chaser. I was hammered by the ned of the night. I think I had beer from the bar on top of that. The photos came out great, though. My friends played the Jackie Chan movie “The Drunken Master” at their Jackie Chan art show/party they had thrown. That’s my strategy for doing party photos, exactly. That’s actually what I believed–if I am drunk, they photos will be awesome. But that theory is 100% true ! My photos come out better when I am wasted and doing it which makes me not want to stop.

“Come one…it only happened once, you know?, the black out? You just need to monitor it better. You used too much of the formula this time. next time use half or use a lighter drink that you know will get you tipsy.”

Should I listen to him? I love getting messed up and doing photos. I can just monitor it better like he said. Honestly, I don’t see not drinking this Friday a doable thing. I’ll drink a beer, instead of hard liquor. I have a Colt 45 40 ounce in my fridge, and I’ll only drink that before I go out. I can’t. I can’t let that one black out scare me. As far as doing photos this Friday goes, I’ll be using my excellent point & shoot. As far as getting a new DSLR camera system goes, I will find one in two weeks. I’m all out of business cards, and I need to make new ones. I need to make them ASAP.

I don’t think I’m an alcoholic. I don’t drink from a place of sadness, and I only drink when I go out. Occasionally I have a drink during my work week, but it’s only if I can’t sleep or something. But as far as…what do you call it?…I don’t know. People say these things can sneak up on you. Before you know it you tolerate worst things. I do have cocaine in my room that I only do at huge parties as well. I bought that pack about a month ago and had some. I’m saving it for the next major party. I doubt I’ll become addicted to anything. I don’t have that in me. Otherwise that coke would not be in my room for all that time. The drinking thing, though…

The fact that I have blacked out once and lost my camera unit may be a bad sign. Okay, look, I will party without taking anything this weekend, I promise. I look forward to having fun and getting excellent photos and talking to girls in a sober state. I can do this…but even now I feel like I need a beer just because. This is life…

My mind started thanken
That bitches only foe ganken.
My shit started stanken
At soon as I started dranken.
The first spirit told me to pay and let her go.
The devil told me how in the fuck can you trust a hoe?

~8Ball & MJG — Hand Of The Devil

Today’s plan:

Wake up, laundry, meditate and visualize , Krav Maga class, cut hair. Read Money Masters. English class at work.

DSC_8994

 

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