12/03/15

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Yesterday went by well, I can say. I woke up and grabbed my tablet/phone. I got distracted by the news for about ten minutes before I woke up. There was a live shooting–14 or more people were dead after 3 gunmen opened fire–a terrorist attack, I guess, and they still haven’t found the killers at that time. I watched that story for about ten minutes, I made myself a cup of coffee and then I meditated for 20 minutes. My concentration is getting slightly better. I will get better at this. A woman I work with on some weekends wrote, in her book, about a meditation technique that might help me, so I might try that out, today.

After meditating, I got dressed and I did my errands. I went to the library. I found two of the books I needed, easily. My third book? It was a mission to find. It was missing from the library. I sort of needed it for my Friday’s shoot, but I have a similar book on my tablet, so we’ll just use that.

I came back home and had breakfast. I decided to clean up my place and make my lunch and dinner. I didn’t get to jog, and I didn’t get to develop that roll of film. I’m going to develop it, today. I will take it to a sort of famous photography shop around here, this time. They really liked my photos the last time I had used them. I don’t think I was even as good as people say I am, now. I just want to see their reaction this time–a few years later. But nah…I will not have time to stop there. So never mind.

I felt a wave of loneliness last night. I thought a bit about my personality of course, and about my friend Memo. She liked me 100%, and I didn’t take action. I mentioned this to you before, but it bothered me again last night. Maybe it bothered me because I felt lonely. Maybe it bothered me because I know she still wants to see me and shoot together while she is in the states. I went from not wanting to see her because of my past failure with her, to getting over it, and being excited about seeing her, again, and then going back to now, not wanting to see her again. It’s whatever man, I’ll see what comes of our situation, now.

I do need to find a girlfriend, though. I don’t believe in waiting. You don’t wait for anything. You go get it. I guess I should spend more time looking for a girlfriend than I do looking for girls to shoot with. But photoshoots always make me happy. I’m even going to go as far as to say that it is better than having sex. Or maybe not, but they are still very fun and meaningful experiences most of the time. Friday’s shoot will be good, I’m sure. This time, I am going to drink a little before the shoot to loosen me up a bit, you know.

Today should go by well. I’m only going to meditate when I wake up and go to Krav Maga. I’ll develope my roll of film somewhere else. I’ll do some bioenergetic exercises as well, so I will only meditate for ten minutes, today. I’ll look at some HTML lessons at work, today.

Take care !

Why? Why darling?
Why? Did you go?
For the love of the Lord.
I beg you to return.
Please don’t go.
Don’t let my heart burn.

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