Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. I decided against partying yesterday. I can’t do that too many times. I have a job to do. But it’s been a looooonnnng time since I stayed laid up on a Friday night. I took a nap when I got home and I set the alarm for 7 with the intention of going out. I had my tequila ready, but I really didn’t feel like drinking. I knew that if I went to the club, eventually I would want to. I could easily sneak it in. I don’t like paying for club drinks by the way. They’re often weak and very expensive. I always use my own drinks even if I am given some for free. So when I woke up, I ate a few dates and then I put myself back under the blankets and watched an anime. There were some really good parties going on though. But, hey, they throw those every month. I am also sort of broke. I’m paying rent really early, and that leaves me with only 34 bucks for the whole week, but hey next pay check is all mine ! I just want to have rent paid before I take off for Chicago. I know Chicago will be exciting for me.

So I woke up at 6am today instead of coming in at that time 🙂 That’s the first. I woke up and decided to have coffee and write about yesterday. Nothing exciting happened, really.

So, yesterday, I woke up after about three hours of sleep to go and meet with that girl. I didn’t get the usual text that I get from girls when we’re going to meet up: “Are we still meeting up?” So my mind immediately prepared for a flake. Will she flake? Something is telling me she will? Her response to my facebook messages about meeting up were kind of fast. I thought about it. I should have confirmed the day before. But we said we’re meeting so that means we’re meeting. I text her when I was half way there. I’m not sure if her number is the same. I gave her mine when she agreed and told her to just let me know if something comes up and she can’t make it. She said OK. I got to the neighborhood 10 minutes early. I didn’t have anything but my breakfast, tea, and coffee before I left the house. When the time came for us to meet, I walked inside the coffee shop 5 minutes late. I didn’t see her. I checked my facebook messages and there were none. Whatever the case. She blew me off. She blew me off just at soon as I asked the question, I think.

Or maybe she went to a day party and got wasted and then she overslept and is too ashamed to say anything about it(like I did to someone) 😉 But she isn’t the party type, I don’t think. I wasn’t sad at all. It was a shrug. So I immediately proceeded to scam the neighborhood for spots to shoot in because I am meeting up with a girl, later, today, to do some photos there. I hope she doesn’t flake. If she does, I’ll know because she’ll leave me a message. So now I know where I will take the girl. I was tired. I didn’t want to get coffee because I planned on going back home to sleep. I could have had coffee and stayed up. I sort of regret not partying, yesterday.

So the girl is off the list. I knew my thinking was way over the top. I’m not going to ask her why, what happened,,, etc nor am I going to take an excuse and aim for a second meeting. She’s just not it. She doesn’t like me. My thinking is a little overly sometimes. Maybe nothing I think is normal. Maybe my photoshoot with the Russian girl wasn’t date like at all. It was a hyped up dream by me. And maybe I did look immediately disappointed when she told me she was married and she caught my expression and looked at me that way. Whatever problem I have, I am working on it. So it’s back to Stylelife Challenge. I have to stop relying on big parties and alcohol and go talk to people outside of my scene. I’m still on day 11 with that. I will read it, today. A very small part of me wonders if that photo of that Russian girl that I put on my facebook ran her away, and that’s why she flaked, but I doubt it.

I’m going to finish my breakfast and maybe make lunch so I’m not hungry by the time the photoshoot starts. I just looked back at the photos I took of that Russian girl, by the way. I think they’re really good. I took those with a digital point and shoot. I can’t wait to see the ones I have from my film camera. Those are the ones I will use for my website. It’s not very many of them. I think we only took 12 shots. She really loves the digital photos. So anyways, for lunch I’m going to cook grilled shrimp and asparagus. After breakfast, I’m going to go to Krav Maga class. I’m glad I’m back to my normal self. If I was still on that Ashwagandha, I would have not been up writing this. I was freezing cold when I was on it. I was urinating a lot and there was no way I was getting out of bed. I took a rhodiola rosea, at soon as I got up this morning and I feel energetic and wonderful.

Anyways, take care Journal.

It was all within a dream
What of life is true anymore



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