11/09/15

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by well. I wasn’t lazy. I woke up and clean up just like I planned. I went on a 20 minute jog and I practiced Krav Maga a bit. I actually meditated at soon as I got out of bed. I went from doing 10 minutes to 15 minutes. My concentration is…alright I guess. This will take practice. It’s not like I’ve been doing it for 6 months so I will not judge myself at this point.

The weekend went by well in some ways and bad in other ways. The reason I say that it’s bad is because I stood a girl up on Sunday. What the fuck is wrong with me !? Why!? She was gorgeous and was the perfect match for the shoot that I wanted to do in the location that I wanted to do it at. She was pretty. She was nice. She was blonde. She was blonde…She was blonde ! We were supposed to meet at 11 AM. I originally planned for 2:00 PM when we first talked, because I knew 11:00 AM would not be a comfortable time for me. I am usually out partying the night before and am never able to make it until home until about 7:00 AM. I made it home at & something that morning. I I laid down without setting my alarm and I woke up too late. I got a text and a missed call from her. I had no idea what to say. I was still waking up, and most of all, I wasn’t man enough to talk about my mistake. So I just ignored it like a bitch. I will never let that happen again. A girl has stood me up once or twice. It sort of sucks, but standing someone up, for me, feels a lot worse when I am the one who is doing it.

In good news, I have a different type of shoot with a more beautiful girl–a beautiful Russian girl. We had been talking through messages, but somehow I ignored her last message and forgot about her too. She sent me a message today saying “Hello.” I told her that we should shoot, tomorrow and she agreed. I can tell this will be a good shoot. My confidence is sky high. That’s what matters the most.

So Saturday night, I went out to party. I made sure it was a sort of wild one. I haven’t been to a big party like the kinds I like in a while it seems. So I drank and I made it there, basically. The music was perfect. I was perfectly tipsy. I ran into a girl I had met at another party. We gave each other a bunch of kisses and hugs and  we took a lot of selfies with my camera.  She introduced me to her friends and I hugged and took selfies with them too. I roamed around the venue and I danced and talked with people. I talked to a lot of girls. I didn’t exactly plan on doing photos there but I took a few photos. Mostly of girls. I walked around, loaded, and talked to guys and girls. I wanted to practice getting girls to model on the spot. Most of them agreed and looked for my direction. I just told them to be them for ten shots and I’ll pick the best one. So the gallery I have is not really a gallery of the party at all. It’s just me and a bunch of girls, but hey. I wasn’t there to shoot. I ran into a few girls I knew at that party. They all went under the same process–long hugs, kiss, mini photoshoot. People gave me drugs. I gave people drugs in return for other people giving me drugs. There is one girl, in particular that I ran into. I knew her from other parties she had thrown. I could really feel our heart to heart connection when we recognized each other. I promised her I’d make it to another event she throws.

I met another girl that night. At soon as she walked in I noticed her and I told her that I liked the way her hair matched the color of the hood she through over it at the moment. I took a photo of her and her friends. Later, while roaming around, I ran into her again. I tried to have a conversation with a male friend that was with her. She interrupted us: “Excuse me, can I be honest with you about something?”  I thought she was going to say something bad. She pulled me in close: “I just wanted to tell you that you have the most handsomest face I had ever seen. We should grow your hair a little, though. I like you, and I can really feel your good vibes.” She asked for my number and she texted me a cool selfie of herself. She’s actually pretty hot. She’s sexy. We were both loaded, but I’m sure she gave me her number because she wanted me to call her. I will.

Anyways, I guess I wrote enough for tonight. Talk to you later.

Many people are experimenting with the drug ecstasy.
I heard you say once, that a lie is sweet in the beginning
And bitter in the end
Truth is bitter in the beginning
And sweet in the end.
I have been meditating, but I do not get the experiences that people report from the drug ecstasy.
Is the drug the lie and meditation the truth.
Or am I missing something ?

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