Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me I’m fine. I’m still thinking about the mistake I made Friday night with that one girl. I can say that it looks like her and her friend were definitely out to meet guys and have a good time. We talked–strong eye contact. She invited me to follow her throughout the night, but I declined. I wont dwell on this anymore. Like I said before, I’ll just take notes and observe and use things on the next girl. I regret that I didn’t even attempt to photoshoot her.

“I hate when guys ask me to do photos at clubs. I hate when they are more concerned with getting the photo than they are concerned with getting to know me.”

That’s what she said as we were getting to know each other. Oh, well.

Last night I went to the porn show again. I don’t think I will ever feel comfortable or get along as well with the other people that work there. I don’t hate them. They’re younger and their social skills may not be as great as mine. I love the owner, though. We get along. I’m getting more comfortable with her. I actually like her. There is an attraction there. Another thing is that I don’t enjoy myself so much when I am there. I’m just so used to big parties and loud music. I ignore my desires though. At least that’s what I’m telling myself now. I found this place when I was looking for a place to donate my services/gift to. So I will just focus on that aspect of it no matter how boring I find it to be. I will not look for an outcome. I try to keep things very professional there and not hit on the girls. I don’t ‘try’ per say, I just don’t. The other guys hit on them though. I witness dog drools from them all the time. I started noticing that.

I’m certain that one of the guys is jealous of me and doesn’t like me already. I talk to girls there naturally. Not because I’m after them, but because the situation just presents themselves. When I think back on times I have met a girl there, I can’t help but to hear his voice in the background and him interrupting us in some one. I really really noticed it last week. There was a very beautiful girl there. I wasn’t after her, but she started talking to me, mostly because she was drunk I’m assuming, so I didn’t really care to talk to her. She decided to give me her email and a way to find her. While she was telling it to me, he overheard us and started yelling out the wrong letters jokingly hoping I’d get the wrong information I suppose. But I knew he liked her a lot. He constantly hits on the different girls there wishing and hoping but makes no progress. He actually interrupted that girl and I twice.

There was another beautiful girl that I saw last week as well. She seemed not so open and very quiet so I didn’t talk to her as much. I didn’t talk to her at all really. But when the one situation came up where I was going to ask her a question about something I overheard her shook his head no really fast and then told me in private that she looked uncomfortable that’s why he stopped me from asking a question. But he hits on her constantly. He wants her so badly, I can tell. Yesterday, I just ignored her completely, but she kept coming near me and smiling. Then she smiled and started a conversation with me in an effort to get to know me and she told me things about herself. I caught him glancing at me in a jealous way. Then he became extra friendly to me. It’s all jealousy, and it’s ridiculous. He needs to learn some serious game.

Anyways, I’m glad I made the girl comfortable enough to approach me. I’m glad to have learned something about her. She does photography as well, and I would love to talk to her about that. She says she has a degree in it. That’s great. now I have someone there I can talk to these things about. She is definitely uniquely beautiful. And she seems like she’s a nice enough girl. I wont ignore those two facts.

Anyways, that’s all I’m going to write about, now. Talk to you later. Take care !



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