Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by well. I did everything that I planned. I woke up on time enough to go to Krav Maga. The work out was OK. They haven’t been really intense ever since I got my yellow belt. I wonder why. After that I rushed right over to the museum. I thought it was the day they were going to have exotic animals for us to pet there, but it wasn’t. They will do that next week. I chose to take 36 photos of a landscape setting that I liked, instead. After that, I went cloths shopping at a thrift store. I tried to make sure that I didn’t spend too much time there. The bus rides from school to the museum and, now, to here took up a lot of time I think. I still needed to get home to shower and change.

As I was shopping at the thrift store, a group of girls came in. They were just hanging out and shopping. I was looking for a black pair of pants if I could find them. I think one of the girls saw me looking through a group of black slacks because she suddenly shouted to me, “here are some nice black slacks right here.” She said it with a smile. I smiled and joked back, “I guess.” I said, “Maybe. I’m looking for a pair of black jeans. She smiled and said she’ll let me know if she finds a pair. Our conversation went no further than that. I didn’t try. She was pretty, though. I liked the shape of her butt. The girls eventually bought their outfits and left. I decided on an outfit and left some minutes later.

After that, I took the bus to my grocery store and bought a lot of veggies and then I took the train and bus home. While waiting at the bus stop, I got approached by another girl. She had really beautiful lips. That’s what I liked most about her. She was nice, it seems, too. I was waiting for the bus and she stood near me. She suddenly asked: “Are you Jamaican?” I guess she just wanted to get a conversation going. We ended up talking my whole way home. She was digging. She told me about where she was from and about her goals and such. She asked me what I did for a living and if I lived alone. I told her that I used to, but now I live with roommates. Maybe it was the roommate thing that turned her off because she wouldn’t give me her number when  I asked. I thought asking her for her number was the right thing to do. I don’t think I should be living with roommates either, but I must endure the weather that is put out there for me at this time.

It’s my Stylelife Challenge day 10, by the way. The first assignment, before I do anything is to think about and write down what type of woman I want. “What do I want from a woman?” I think that is a very deep question and it’s something to think about. I will take my time to just really sit down and think about it. I think that is the basis for the slight problem I am having here. I will think about that tonight at work.

After groceries, I made ti home, showered and went to that porn show/party. One of the porn stars there looked very very familiar. I thought I had taken photos of her at a party before. Later she looked less familiar. The event was great. I was really looking forward to making it to my house music party after the main show was done, but they really didn’t want me to leave. I ended up staying. The craziest thing I had seen there was the porn star, that I really have some feelings for, inhaled a joint with her twat and three other girls were inhaling the smoke from her when she blew it out with her twat. And then, I ended up back in a conversation with the porn star I thought I knew.

She was obviously very beautiful. She had beautiful shaped lips and sparkling blue eyes. It was right after I took photos of her and a guy that she was talking too. She asked me if there was a way that she can get the photos. For some reason, we danced around that question. Usually someone gives me a card or instagram, with her it was questions like, “Are you really going to send them to me? How are you going to find me? Use my facebook. No don’t use my facebook.” She then offered her email. My phone was off and put in my bag somewhere, and I didn’t have everything to write with, so I just recorded her on video as she said to me her email. While I was recording, she suddenly asked me, “So what do you like?” I knew what she was asking, but I played very dumb, because I didn’t want to seem too hype and I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol talking. She then emphasized, “What are you into? What do you want me to do to you?” I just told her the truth. I told her that I was innocent and that I was here to learn She then said other things. She told me I was being silly, etc. Soon the conversation ended, and I saved the video. I’m going to test out a 5 to 9 day then contact rule in that I read in a book a while back. It may work or not work. That’s how I got the other girl I was dating some time ago, and she was absolutely gorgeous. She turned every head. She was nice too. She was really looking for a relationship and love. I was far far far faaaaaarrr from being ready. I was very clueless at the time, like most guys.

I’d love to photoshoot with that porn star, and I hope it happens. She seems like she wants to dominate though, and maybe get revenge somehow. She told me that she retired from the porn industry. She told me that she didn’t feel right showing her pussy to just anyone anymore. She seemed liked she really wants to do a guy in the butt with a strap on dildo(based off something I saw from her earlier), though. Maybe for revenge? Maybe I’m just overthinking our whole interaction.

I took the bus back home. I think the drugs and the alcohol made me give in to a mini sugar binge. I didn’t know what I wanted. The carrot cake I had was disgusting. I’m certainly not into those anymore.

I decided not to drive for an entire year. I will do my best to seriously just save up for a nice car and an emergency fund. I’m very determined to do it this time.

Anyways, I wrote a lot.
Take care !

I met this girl. I fell in love.
Took her to her mom. She said wassup.
She looked up at her with 5 minutes of sadness.
Then looked at her daughter.
Said I love you girl.
Now our time is up.
She was great. The sex was great.
But We broke up.
It was my mistake.



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