08/27/15 (Who is your guy friend to you, really?)

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me I’m fine. I feel great. Whatever is whatever is my overall feeling about life at this point, and I will never stop trying. Anything that happens beyond that is outside of my control. I will always do my best. Today went by well. I have been busy lately. I’ve been busy with keeping up with all of my endeavors, and I’ve been doing a good job. The bill collectors somehow hacked information and got some of my friends phone numbers and are calling some of my friends now. I guess it’s time to get organized and start paying my bills. I’m slightly embarrassed, but not all the way because everyone is struggling. I didn’t let it get to me. I finished editing that girl’s photos, today and they are absolutely wonderful. I like her a lot, and I feel like she will remain a part of my life in some way. I think she’s very touched that I’m going to use some of her photos to do an art show with. I know she’s very excited. I like her, but it doesn’t matter if nothing ever happens between us. It’s funny how we talked about astrology and being connected that night. She asked me my sign, and I told her. Then I said “we’re bad”–meaning that people of my sign do not have good emotions. She thought that I meant that her sign and my sign are no match, but I didn’t mean it that way, and I didn’t bother explaining. I listened as she said softly that she’s been very close with people of my sign before. I said that I’ve been very close with people of her sign before too. Now I feel that we actually do have a connection. Who knows, maybe she’s thinking about this too. Is it creepy of me that I like her now? She left me with a really great feeling. That’s how photoshoots of my nature work, I’m sure. I mean these photos are excellent ! They spell bare trust, bare comfort, bare nudity. I keep looking at the pics over and over. I think I can start a magazine.

Anyways. I like this girl. Why shouldn’t I? She was my subject and our shoot was amazing.

Something else also hit me today. I think I’ve been lying to myself for years about this online friend I have. We’ve been friends online for many years already. I am finally eyes wide open to the fact that I like her as well. We were texting each other back and forth a bit, today. She mentioned her boyfriend about something we were talking about (they’ve been together since we’ve been talking ). But today is the only day I felt real jealousy. I think she somehow felt it too because she sent a question mark  right after the jealousy hit me, which was weird. I just proceeded to talk like normal. I guess there should be no shame in me liking her either. I don’t think I’m desperate. I think I’m just inconsistent if you know what I mean. I think the problem is that I don’t know what I want or I am ignoring it for whatever reasons and in return my thoughts and actions are inconsistent with a lot of the women that I meet. I also think I like myself more than I like women.

So if you’re reading this. I have a question that I’m tempting to throw on my facebook as well:

Can guys and girls be friends? Who is your guy friend to you exactly?

Can guys and girls be friends? I am thinking about this and have always thought about this. I have gotten answers to this, and I believe them yet I still have a question about it. I’ve been observing this about me, and in many cases, I can conclude that I don’t think guys and girls can really be friends. But yet I do think guys and girls can really be friends.

Help !

Anyways, talk to you later, Journal. I have to go.

Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone
Let’s pretend that we’re together all alone
I’ll tell the man to turn the juke box way down low
And you can tell your friend there with you he’ll have to go

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One thought on “08/27/15 (Who is your guy friend to you, really?)

  1. This is a hard question. Because there as been times where I have thought I liked my guy friends, mainly because I was single and they were taken. The taken part use to challenge me a lot. But when they were single, I no longer wanted them. When I broke up with my ex, one of my very close friends broke up with his partner at the same time and kept wanting to hang all the time. It because obvious to me that he had started to fall for me, but I knew him to well. I knew it could never work. However, my current bf and I were buddies for 8 years we would chat about everything and anything and it was just easy when we got together. I would be interested in the census of this one.

    Liked by 1 person

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