08/20/15

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. I’m a little sleepy here by myself at work. I have been sleepy a lot lately. I think it’s because I’ve been drinking a lot of Chinese tea. I’m almost certain because when I drank this tea, today, I became sleepy really fast. It’s very comforting. I’m almost too tired to write. I just took a Rhodiola Rosea, though, so I hope that kicks in and gives me some energy.

The main thing I have on my mind write now is this photoshoot that I’m going to do today. It’s seems like it’s going to be very personal. It will involve a lot of nudity. She absolute gorgeous. She is not a 10, she’s more like a 13. Her breast and her lips and her eyes are really beautiful. She seems to be very straightforward and smart; or that’s how our conversations have been going via email and text. I’m sure this will be a good shoot. Maybe because I am way more confident than I have been in the past. People loved my past work, though. I was very very lacking in self confidence during those times, though. I don’t think I had a great connection with the girls, but the odd thing about my feeling with that is that I still talk to most of all those girls I have used in the past. Claudia and I are nearly in love it seems. When we started, I was very very quiet and nervous, for some of it at least. But I do remember when I got excited because she told me she is Russian. She started laughing at my excitement. When got really really wasted and did her drugs and just took the most awesome and sexual photos ever in her bathroom. She is a very beautiful girl. She messaged me the other day wanting to see me and take photographs, again, but I told her that I would be busy with this other girl.

I’m more than certain this will be a good shoot. I’m doing her a huge favor with this $200 that I’m paying her though, but her beauty is worth it, and I’m sure she will appreciate it. A part of me feels like she’s too trusting, though. Some girls are like that. She wants me to drive to her house and pick her up. From there, we’re going to a hotel room that I will be renting, and I guess I’m going to drive her back. The story will sound weird/fun if I told it to my friends like that, I think. But hey, maybe she’s just that mature, and I am not. Naturally, I got an erection when she text me asking to come to her house and pick her up. I didn’t mind her bringing anyone with her for safety reasons, but that text indicates that it’s just going to be her and I. I told myself “no dirty thoughts” over and over a few times after the erection. It’s very possible that she may want sex, though. I’ll keep my eye out, but I will be very focused on my work and I will remain professional.

I took nude photos of a girl in my apartment once. She had really beautiful breast too. I kept it professional, but I could tell that she wanted to do something. She gave me really strong eye contact. When she was naked in my shower and I was setting up some kind of light she randomely asked me if I was a scorpio, and she said it really softly. When the shoot was over, she seemed disappointed and said that the shoot ended too fast. She asked me to hang out with her sometime. When she hugged me when she was leaving, I felt like I should kiss her and her body language was that of a disappointed girl. I never contacted her again, but I still kick myself for not taking what was being given to me. I’m getting an erection just thinking about that day.

I missed out on a lot of opportunities like that in the past. Too many. But I think I’ve changed. I have confidence now. Anyways, I feel like I have written enough. I’ll let you know how the shoot goes.

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