07/27/15

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today went by well, I guess. I think I had a hard time sleeping. I chose to masturbate as an aid, and at soon as I laid down, I went to sleep soon enough. I had a few sips of vodka too. I tried doing all the things I did last week–Qiqoung and meditation. I also did the visioneering exercise. I keep forgetting about the small visioneeing exercises I need to do besides the 30 minute one. It’s a bit difficult to incorporate all of these new practices into my life. I did all of that and took a warm bath and I guess I fell asleep soon enough. Hopefully, tomorrow I’d be able to do it without the whacking off and the vodka. I woke up on time, but I didn’t do my bioenergetic exercises right away. I was mainly concerned with buying groceries that I needed and with getting my pictures. I studied my coding stuff right away with a cup of coffee. I learned a lot, I guess, but I didn’t study for as long as I wanted. After coding and coffee. I went grocery shopping. I’m doing a total vegan diet this week, so I bought a looootttt of organic vegetables and fruits. I’ll do this diet for a week and then at the end of the week, I’m going to do a day of “Younger Thinner You” again. To do the full 30 days is going to take some time and money for me. Some of the meals require a lot of time if you’re not used to cooking. It’s way easier for me to use DietPoint. But those meals from “Younger Thinner You” tasted so good and they felt so good. All of these healthy diets taste and feel good, and I’m grateful that I am able to do them.

I went to my favorite small organic store. I bought a lot of stuff I needed, and the woman(the owner?) who works there talked to me for a bit. I always could tell that she is such a sweet lady. I never want to stop shopping there and I’m glad to be a regular. She has become familiar with me, so she’s talkative now. She’s an old Russian/Armenian lady. From my experience, they’re nice people. After doing some grocery shopping, I stopped and picked up my photos. It’s ridiculous how much money I’m spending on film and getting film rolls developed but I love it. I save money, so I can spend a little on that. I did horrible at saving this week, though. I have to watch out for that. I need to hurry and finish building my emergency fund, so I might take my whole next paycheck and save it in there.

The photos came out great ! I didn’t even know how to use that camera. I looked up the manual afterwords, and saw that I did everything right though. She looks gorgeous–an 11 and she looks very professional. The photos look really professional. When I picked them up, the woman told me that those photos look great. She always likes my photos. I guess it was worth the money I spent on the girl. “The Law of Exchange.” I would rather pay a confident and definite 11 to let me practice on her and use her to amplify my art than to continue using 7s for free. I want my work to look great–no 7s allowed. With time and skill, I probably will not have to pay anymore. Hopefully my work will attract more beautiful girls who will want to work for free. I’m 100% sure it will. The woman is gorgeous. This is the part where I fall in love. It always happens like this: I meet a girl and ask her to do photos– at this point I have no interest. We meet up and we shoot–usually no interest really because I’m so focused on the shots. When I get the photos back and I edit them, I fall in love. So in reality, It’s not really her that I fall in love with, it’s my work and the rose colored memories it creates about the shoot. I can’t wait to send her the photos. I’m sure she will love them.

I’m sure I’m on the right path with everything that I’m doing. Everything will pay off in time. I didn’t do pick up, today. I didn’t go to grappling class, today either because I was busy working on my car a bit, and the grocery shopping,  etc. I did see a very beautiful Japanese girl on the way to work, though. I was going to approach her when we got off the bus, but at soon as we got off the bus, she ran. I guess because she didn’t want to miss the train. So ‘F’ as far as pick-up is concerned. Maybe I’m just going to suck for a while. Most of the time, when I’m out and about, I’m more into the books that I have on my kindle than keeping an eye out for a random girl to practice picking up on. I need the practice though. I’ll get to it. Don’t worry. I will approach a girl, tomorrow !

You are a piece of me
I wish I didn’t need.
Chasing relentlessly.
Still fight and I don’t know why.

IMG_20150320_111857

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