Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. Today was just the same old routine. No pick-up effort on my part. The only thing is that some girl kept watching me in grappling class and then she started a conversation, so I’ll just count that as an approach rather that was her intention or not.  I guess I should go in for a cold approach on someone, tomorrow. I really have to practice this.

That girl that I was going to use as a model backed out and I’m not sure why. I’m sure it was my wording or insecurity or something showing in the email. Or maybe she didn’t like my ideas and we just would not be bonded, anyways. I haven’t shot with a girl in like a month or almost two months, maybe. I really need to keep up with the practice, though. I’m sure I’ll find someone good. She has to be beautiful, though. I’m going to shell out $100 for nudes. A part of me wants to just save that money, but I want to do this. I question myself as to why I want to so bad. Maybe I just want to show off. I guess a small part of me does, but that’s just negativity talking. What about all the other pics I show off that have nothing to do with women, like the ones I display here. I’ll erase that bullshit thought from my head.

I don’t know what story I’m trying to create with these women. I just know that I like women. I saw my other two friends doing great photographs of women and that inspired me to want to do it, too. I want this next shoot to be awesome. I feel like I made much much more better pics when I wasn’t so self conscious and into all this self development stuff. My old pics are very sexual and raw. I guess I’m still like that. My last shoot was like that. Her and her friend were very sexual and making out in front of me (girl on girl) I wimply asked if I should step out of the room.

This next shoot will be awesome. I will not think about the money, and I will not give up on looking. I think the ignorant part of me says that I should not be paying. But I am not at a level in game nor in skill to expect a 10 girl to do that for me without pay. Those days will come, but until then, I just have to keep making these sacrifices–use the law of exchange.

It’s just a story though
Is it a story though?
I can’t tell if it happened cause it felt impossible
Don’t know whether it was real or a dream
Imagination playing tricks on me

Cause you really hold me down like that
Cause you really know what’s down like that
Like the universe is singing a song

Do you feel it when you write like that?
Do you feel it cause you’re down like that?
Like the universe is singing a song

cityscape photo of los angeles.


3 thoughts on “07/21/15

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