07/15/15

Dear Journal,

How are up feeling? As for me, I’m fine. I woke up about an hour later than I wanted to, and I think I got a lot less done, but I still did SOMETHING. The key is that, when you fail, don’t give up and choose to fail all the way. Just keep going as if nothing happened. I just missed my bioenergetics session that I like to do, and I missed the 35 minute visualizing exercise that I like to do. I guess I can still do it, tonight before work, so no biggie. Maybe I couldn’t study WordPress for as long as I wanted to, but I think writing and posting today counts for something. I looked at some of the videos from the SEO course on Lynda.com, and it doesn’t look like I will be learning much more from it than what I already know. I guess the best way to learn wordpress is to constantly play with it and search Google and YouTube for other tweeks you can do. I don’t think that learning WordPress and coding makes me a better artist, yet I still feel the need to invest a lot of my time in learning both. I’m sure it will pay off for something.

Yesterday, I was a lot more sad than I thought I was. I really wanted to create with that girl. I rehearsed it in my head many times. I visualized it. It seemed like we would get along well and would have great communication by the way we were talking in the emails. She even sent me her phone number. I’m not sure why she pulled out last minute(her story may have been true, though), but that’s just how women are. They flake without realizing that they’re flaking. I had to learn that. I remember before when I didn’t know this, and I got really upset at my friend, Vera. I was debating that day on rather to see her for a bit or go to a bar before I spent the rest of the night out at parties. We agreed to see each other. At the very last minute, she made me wait and wait and wait, at home, to the point where I couldn’t even go out anymore. Then she said she couldn’t make it because she’s in the hospital. Perhaps her story was true, but at the time, I felt like it was made up. I told her that she could’ve just said no, and I could have went to the bar, instead, like I wanted to. I never spoke to her, again until she called me one day asking me to come visit; then I forgave her. I don’t think she actually grasped the fact that she flaked.

So, yesterday, while working, I kept thinking about all of the things I could have created with that girl. She looked like Caroline Trentini. Anyways, I just began looking for a different girl. I really have to practice and I really want to do this scene I have in my head. Anyways, I’ll talk to you later. I’m on my way to Grappling class.

Well, I’m back. I’m just getting out of grappling class. It was interesting. There is this girl that I always end up partnering with. She seems really shy and sweet. She’s very cute. Maybe we like each other. She did end up asking me a random question one day, to start a conversation, and we ended up partnering , a lot, ever since. Ever since then, I’ve been curious about rather she likes me or not. Who else would want to grapple with me and my nasty sweat all day and have me laying on top of their huge breast. I’m learning to be mature about this man, woman thing in grappling class, though. I try not to partner with a girl because I want to play rough, but I guess I just have to treat them just like guys. Her and I standing next to each other in class everyday kind of makes it feel right for us to start dating and such. I am comfortable with her. She’s comfortable with me, obviously. We partner up everyday. At first I was like, there is no way that I would ever date someone from my grappling class. I wanted to keep my focus on learning how to fight. But the type of family mood–family like environment there just…makes her kind of grow on me. It makes me gravitate towards her more. She just seems so sweet…so soft. I’m getting an erection just thinking about her. All of this, and I don’t even know if she’s single. I’m just assuming she is. She’s not the kind of girl I would meet at a party. She seems like she was the girl I was always looking for, before I became a party guy. She seems like the quiet type–the stay at home type, but she’s beautiful.

I don’t think I really saw anyone, today, that made me want to practice pick-up art. There’s one girl on the bus here that is not my type, but may be worth the embarrassment as I try to practice my social skills. Should I…? I guess I can let this one go. Tomorrow, I am going to a pick-up artist seminar. It will be my first ever, and I’m excited. I didn’t register, yet because I don’t have my damn card. Can’t believe they still didn’t send it. I hate them and I hate mail ! Hopefully, it will show up in the mail, tomorrow. Either way, I’m going to get in. My original reason for getting into pick-up art was to help better my art work. But, maybe, I will become an actual pick-up artist. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with doing both. After all, I’m the man who wants to start a magazine that gives tid bits of dating advice to men. Naturally, I feel like I’m gravitating in the right direction of a man who can do such a thing. I can’t wait to do the parties this weekend. Especially Sunday’s pool party. I’ve had my unintentional needed break, already. I will pull girls ! for both art forms.

I’m your lady, and you’re my man.

You should hear my heart beating.

It makes musical sounds with your name in it.

A thought of you wipes away my problems.

You bring light into my life.

I don’t understand why you want to be friends.

When I am still in love with you.

a photo of Los Angeles cityscape

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