Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. I think I had a bit of a bad day, though. I had failures, I guess, but I will not let it get me down or stop me. Everything in life is a test and a lesson, and things happen for a reason.

She is absolutely gorgeous. We had been talking, via email all week. I met her online, and she even sent me a text message–gave me her phone number, so I thought our plans were firm. But she sent a text, almost an hour ago, saying that she can’t make it because other things with her job came up. It didn’t really make me a tad bit sad until now. I just told her to let me know when she’s up for it again. We had been joking with each other via gmail all week, and planning this. I missed grappling class, today to prepare for it; then I get her last minute text. No biggy, though. These things happen all the time. I can’t say I never did it to anyone. This wasn’t a date, and I was only going to photograph her, by the way.

On top of that, I found out that an art tool I was going to use is broken. I looked on craigslist and saw that tool being sold by someone. I called the guy and I recognized that he was an idiot from the get go. He made me waste two hours of my time, long story short. He never showed up to make the sell. I should freaking call his number over and over just to annoy him–that’s how I feel. I could tell that he was a sow fuck just by the tone of his voice. There are so many weak guys on this Earth and I’m determined not to be one of them. That’s what all this is about. On top of that, my bank is taking forever to send my card, so I had to drive thirty minutes there and thirty minutes back to make sure I had cash for us in case something else came up. And all that was for nothing. After all this mess, I just focused on getting the rest of my day out of the way.

On a more positive note, I actually slept slightly well. I knew I would if I had a cup of vodka and listened to this audio book that I had playing while I attempted to fall asleep. It’s called “The Psychology of Self Esteem.” It’s a good book, but it’s complicated. I’m on my second read, right now, and I will definitely take notes. But that’s not the positive news, yet. The positive news is that, while I was sleep, the book continued to play, on YouTube, until the very end. YouTube ended up playing another book that I wasn’t sure if I should read until now. It’s called “The Ultimate Guide to Self Confidence.” I found it boring at first, and I think I only came across it because I got the title other the other book mixed up when I was looking for it. The book is absolutely beautiful, and I can’t wait to get around to actually reading it. While waking up, the audio was playing near the very end and it was talking about the subconscious mind and positive affirmations and giving insight about how to utilize all of those things in life. I’m very interested in the subconscious mind and affirmations. From what I heard when I woke up, this book gives great clarity and answers some of the questions I had. I’ll read it after my second reading of the other book.

Definitely no pick up art, today. Though I did see a very beautiful girl. She smiled at me. I smiled back. That’s all that happened.

Well, it was good talking to you. I’m sure I’ll have a good day at work.

‘Cause if I thought you were
The end all and my be all
I would’ve never left you alone
And I wouldn’t be on my own
And I never, never, would’ve grown

Nawl, nawl, nawl
Ain’t no way



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