07\13\15

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. I never made it to Sundays pool party. I spent the middle of the night cleaning my place because I couldn’t sleep. I slept like a baby, all day when I finally did go to sleep. I did set my alarm, though. But I came up with an excuse to make myself go back to sleep. I’m angry at myself for missing it, but I’m glad that I got a lot of rest this weekend. The parties will always be there. I was more happy to save my ten or twenty dollars. It made up for the twenty dollars I spent going to Saturday’s pool party. So anyways, I slept all day and made meals for work and such. I weighed myself. I went from 200 pounds to 165 pounds all by using an app called dietpoint. I want to drop another 20 pounds. 30 pounds will be pushing it. I’m not sure if I want to be that skinny. 145 pounds is healthy.

So, on the way to work, I ran into a girl I had approached before. I had text her twice since our initial meeting and she responded to one and ignored the later so I just thought she wasn’t interested. It was a big coincidence that I ran into her on the train. I spoke, and we talked for a bit then I gave her space and went my separate way. I knew that she would text me later and ask why I didn’t talk longer, and she did ! I guess this incident kind of made up for me being too lazy to go out and too scared to approach someone on the nights that I did. I’m still happy that two girls approached me this Saturday, though. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I saw a girl that looks like my friend, Afina, there. Though we are supposed to meet up this Friday, I panicked when I thought it was her. I hid and watched from a distance, then I told myself not to be a wuss and go up and say “hi.” But when I got closer, I realize it wasn’t her. Afina is a lot skinnier than that girl. I’m not sure why I panicked. I’m indifferent to meeting her this Friday. She is beautiful, but I don’t think we have a lot in common to have a relationship, and I don’t think she has the look I would want to create art work with. But, hey ! Maybe she just wants sex. anyways, I hope today goes well. I have grappling class. Talk to you soon. Bye bye.

Well, hi. I’m back I’m just getting done with grappling class and am on my way to work. I flat, outright approached a girl, today, and I can see how this can be very easy for me to get used to. She walked pass me, twice, on the bus to ask the bus driver something, and that’s how I noticed her. She was dressed well, which led to me being attracted, but she wasn’t as beautiful as I thought she was from first glance. I hesitated for a minute or two, but I eventually got up and came over to her and said just anything. I smiled, and I tried to greet her with kind eyes; I’m not sure how well I pulled that off. “Do you work downtown?” I asked. She gave me a quick and firm no. “Do you live down there?”  Whatever her reaction was, I saw it as a very firm reject and I didn’t push any further. At least I approached, though. So I’m at a match with last week with one more approach to go to break the record. One firm reject out of all the attention I’ve been getting is not bad. I didn’t have a specific outcome I wanted anyways. I just wanted to practice socializing and approaching. Anyways, I’m getting read to create some artwork, now. I will talk to you later.

I’m not saying it your fault
Although you could have done more
Oh, you’re so naive, yet so
DSC_7967
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