07\10\15

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. It’s very early in the morning, and I got off work about an hour ago. I don’t like the job at all, but it’s a way of earning money and is the only thing that feels safe for me right now. I really hope that this photography thing kicks off. It’s Friday, and I plan on going to a few clubs tonight to practice game meet more women and practice approaching them and stuff. A part of me is afraid to, but I’ve learned that I shouldn’t associate an uncomfortable emotion to approaching women. I will just make myself believe that it’s a fun thing. It is fun, actually, but at the same time, it takes courage. I wonder if I am ready. I was just sitting at the bus stop and a woman came up to me asking for help with directions. She was cute, but I didn’t really flirt with her. She ended up telling me that she was comfortable with me, though. I didn’t even ask her name. My eye contact was good, though. My voice projection was not. Ever since I’ve been diving into self development, it’s like I see all the things that I have been doing wrong. I’m not sure if I feel less confident realizing all my mistakes, but my voice has been really low when talking to people, lately. I’m sure it is some kind of phase. Tonight…that’s all my mind is set on. I hope and I know that I will do really well also want to go to the forest for a bit too. Anyways, I’ll write to you later.

Fail…fail…and fail !

Today ended up being a good day. I have a lot more time on my hands than I think. I’m just lazy. Today, I woke up a lot later than planned. I went to the forest, I meditated and did bio-energetic exercises in the forest. I did everything that I had planned on doing, today. I went out, tonight. I failed big time. I didn’t have a lot of courage to approach, bottom line. I went to a bar in downtown LA, and I just sat there for 30 minutes. I talked to a few guys there that I knew, so +1 for being sociable, I guess. But I didn’t approach any girl. Feeling like I’d o better and feel better at my next place, I went there, but it took so freaking long to get in. I should have known and should have went earlier. I made it inside, but I didn’t think the high price was worth it anymore, so I left. I saw some guys gaming, though. I met some girls in line, too. They approached me. It was a white girl and an Asian girl. Both of them liked me. The Asian girl asked my name, so I think she liked me more. I just worked on my shyness and eye contact. I didn’t go for a number or anything, though. I didn’t drink, tonight, either. I only had two small sips of vodka before I left. I feel pretty good about that.

I’m going to a pool party, tomorrow because this girl, who may like me, invited me. We’ll see how that goes.

The day is over. I’m going home to eat now. Speak to you, tomorrow. Goodnight.

And every whisper it’s the worst
Emptied out by a single word
There is a hollow in me now

A picture of a landscape in the hills.

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4 thoughts on “07\10\15

  1. I believe that you might overthinking every step – in a single blog post you’ve mentioned 2 women approaching you, and another woman saying that she feels comfortable with you. This sounds amazing and something that rarely happens to people!

    Try, instead of analyzing your posture and your eye contact and all your movements to just put a smile on your face and talk back to them. Remember, they can’t see your inner turmoils.

    Good luck, with women, with your confidence and in whatever path you decide to go 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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